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QueenBAW

Hey Everybody. Im still around

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Hey everybody. Im still around. Ive been busy busy busy, partly intentionally to keep my mind off my brothers death, and partly because well..life goes on. Ive picked up extra shifts at work, had a wisdom tooth removed, working on getting my own health under control (mainly blood pressure) and spending any extra time I have with my cowgirls.

The girls are doing great, and Im even able to ride Sonic with them now. Zarinna is cantering her horse now and Cassie has decided to start riding again. We've been going to a farm right up the road to watch real goat tying and roping. The girls are practicing jumping off their horses at home so they can do the real goat tying soon. In the meantime theyre working on talking their grandaddy into buying a horse trailer lol. They were in a parade (walking) with their great grandaddys western group (the group that does the train robberies) a couple weeks ago and loved it! Now they want to be in every parade and eventually ride in the parade. We'll see....

Everything sounds good...right? Well, it is, except Im being bullied horribly by my own mother...on Facebook of all places. Many of you know (and its no secret) that Ive never had a good relationship with her, ever. Ive been waiting for many years to have a good relationship with her, but it just isnt happening. After she talked trash about my living brother while making funeral arrangements for my deceased brother, I decided Id had enough, and that distancing myself and parting ways was long overdue. I had to deal with so much abuse from her as a child, but I dont have to deal with it as an adult. But she still tries with the abuse. I unfriended her on Facebook and have blocked her from PMing me, but thats it. Her calls and texts arent blocked, my phone doesnt give me that option. She has called twice, once when I was busy and couldn't talk long, and again while I was at work when I couldnt answer. Because I dont respond to her texts, she thinks shes blocked. Truth is I just dont want to deal with her. And its bad, really bad. No parent would/should say/post the things she has about their child. It only confirms to me that I dont need her in my life. Im surrounded by positive people who care about me, why would I want to deal with her? I dont, not after the things shes said/posted. Ill include screenshots so you all can read them for yourselves and see what Im dealing with. Her first Facebook post was a month ago. I posted a reply on my own page (the second screen shot) because we have 16 mutual friends and family that I felt the need to tell my side. By that time I had gotten about a dozen PMs from friends of hers telling me how horrible I am..one of which even had the audacity to say that it shouldve been me that died instead of my brother. The 3rd and 4th screen shots are of the post she posted last week. Im not going to even entertain replying to that mess.

So thats whats been going on. Im having a good time with the cowgirls and staying positive. Sonic is showing lots of interest in the cows in the field with him, so I may get to play! How funny is that?!

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Edited by QueenBAW
fat fingers

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I think your mother is mentally ill, she certainly is a narcissist.

 Cut her from your life, completely, she's toxic.

 I was sorry to hear about your brother, your mother said you tried to make it all about you, from what I just read, she's the one who wanted all the attention and, was using your brother's death to make sure that happened.

 You don't need toxic people in your life, even if they're family.

  You sound like you're doing well, just keep doing what you're doing and, forget about the people who want to bring you down.

 

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Equicrzy, thank you, I appreciate your advice. Shes always been this way. Ive always yearned for a loving mother that I could have a relationship with and do things with, a supportive mother. Truthfully Ive stuck around way too long waiting for her to be a mother, and have just been hurt over and over. No more, Ive promised myself, and my younger (living) brother.

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You can pick your friends, but family is people you just got stuck with. Congratulations on coming unstuck.

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I must agree, you don't need that kind of manipulation and negativity in your life.  You handled yourself well by respectfully stating the facts.  That is all you can do and it is perfectly okay, and many times necessary, to completely cut that kind of 'relationship' from your life.  

All children from less-than-supportive homes/families yearn for their parents to be who they wish them to be and tend to give them chance after chance after chance .... and only get repeatedly hurt in return.  Still, I know this decision you have made is like another death that you will have to grieve and mourn through, made worse because the people are not really gone - they only chose to be during life and their behavior has forced you to this decision made for your own well-being.  I'm sorry you are going through this but so proud you've made such a difficult and momentous decision to better your life.  (((hugs)))

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Your mother sounds like a narcissist.  I know it all too well unfortunately. Any healthy parent would have discussed these things with you in private and would not have trashed you publicly in her bid for attention. My mother and your mother sound like the same person. She liked to trash me on Facebook or to her friends. Have not spoken with her since 2010 and I do not regret my decision to protect myself from her. 

Edited by TigerLilly

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I can't believe people actually discuss their family members on Facebook. Does the whole country get to read that?

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6 minutes ago, jubal said:

I can't believe people actually discuss their family members on Facebook. Does the whole country get to read that?

Most likely...

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It looks like she's been around here a while. Possibly she thought she was sharing with friends for a little moral support? I know. Its the internet. Some people still think that can actually happen......I feel for her.

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I don't think the whole country has access to that conversation - only whomever the individual has friended on facebook can see those posts.

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QB,:huggy:  Sorry you have to be stressed like this by someone that should be be supportive in your life, & not someone that only wants to stir things up. Glad you are cutting the ties with her, but you have no regrets as you have tried to make it work.  You are mentoring 2 girls that need a solid relationship in life, so be proud of yourself, for breaking a cycle of abuse, & not being like your mother.  :huggy:  Best Wishes. PD

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What PD said. I'm sorry your mother feels the need to show her lack of maturity to the whole world. Usually, smart people recognize that for what it is. Just do what you need to do to save yourself and surround yourself with normal people.

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Thank you all for your support, it means a lot. I know Im truly better off without her. Its still hard to come to terms with knowing that Ill never have the supportive mother that Id like. One day at a time turns into weeks and weeks turn into months... I can do this.

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You can always adopt a 'mom' you like.......sort of like your little girls have done.

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43 minutes ago, noponies said:

You can always adopt a 'mom' you like.......sort of like your little girls have done.

Lol actually Ive done that all my life. Im surrounded by really good people these days, and Im so greatful.

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2 hours ago, QueenBAW said:

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot. I know Im truly better off without her. Its still hard to come to terms with knowing that Ill never have the supportive mother that Id like. One day at a time turns into weeks and weeks turn into months... I can do this.

You can always PM me. I have gone through this. It's a grieving process in many ways. You can have all this guilt and sometimes people will shame you. I am still dealing with it all. 

In fact my split from my mother famously played out on horsecity in 2010. She did not get on here but I was telling people about the stuff going on. 

Edited by TigerLilly

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I didn't read all the replies but wanted to throw my two cents in.  5 years ago I cut my abusive toxic parents out of my life. After 35 years I didn't have any contact with them for 5 years. It has been within the last year that I have been able to be at family functions where they were without having panic attacks. Now I have minimal communication with them. Pretty much only because my mother is the manager of the apartment complex I rent at. 

 

Was it hard to cut them off. Very much so. Did I miss them at holidays.  Yes. Am I healthier for having done it. YES!!!!!!  My mental health needed it. 

FB is easy to block. As for your phone. Depending on the kind you have there are options to block people. Well.. it more of just ignores them automatically.  Also depending on who your service is through. The company sometimes offers a blocking service for a nominal monthly fee. The small price is worth your peace of mind. At least till they got the hint. 

The only advice I can really offer is to tell her flat out you are severing ties with them and to not bother you. Then stick to your guns. It'll be hard at first and maybe someday you guys can have some sort of relationship again. But make it on your terms. 

Also, very sorry to hear about your brother. My condolences.  

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Well, my dad called me tonight. I returned his call when I was ready ONLY because he wasnt the one who wrote the hurtful trash on Facebook. I told him that I was done being abused and I will not put up with it anymore, nor do I have anything to say to my mom. Told him I was done. I didnt even get so much as an "Im sorry".  I pointed out that hes just as bad as she because he doesnt question her or tell her what shes done/said is wrong, he just lets her "speak" for both of them. 

I was going to give my dad the benefit of the doubt....and once again I was wrong. I feel bad for him because hes in an abusive relationship with my mom, but at the same time hes just as guilty. 

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I was going to send you a friend request on FB.  I found you but there is no option for to send one. My situation sounds very similar to yours. 

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8 hours ago, journeysgirl said:

I was going to send you a friend request on FB.  I found you but there is no option for to send one. My situation sounds very similar to yours. 

I dont know why that option disappeared...Ill see if I can fix it. Try again soon!

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