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Paradigm Shift

Posted by Avishay04, 25 May 2012 · 327 views

My poor instructor - she may be helping me improve as a rider, but she's also become my therapist. If it weren't for her, I think I may have inadvertently done harm to myself this past month. Things at work have been a nightmare, so much is changing, and most of it isn't for the better. But my instructor also owns and runs a marketing firm, but not long ago she was trapped in the same kind of middle management position I'm in now - and she pointed out to me something I've known in my head, but never quite truly accepted, "Business is business." Sometimes part of being employed, particularly in a management capacity, is giving the people below you bad news. You get handed excrement from above, and you've got to pass it on, while making the people below you think that the **** they're being given isn't as bad as it looks. Sometimes it means giving up worrying about what you can't control, and not wallowing in angst over what other people think. And no matter how loyal I may feel towards my staff, and no matter how much I'd like to make their jobs easier (and protect their employment/hours at work), in the end they're employees just like I am, and they are ultimately responsible for themselves. I can't solve their problems for them, and if my boss makes me cut hours, that's not my fault, and beating myself up and feeling like a jerk for simply being the middle-man who has to deliver the bad news isn't productive.

My life situation has also changed drastically the past week. A friend of mine, who is only 18 (a decade younger than I am) ended up having to leave her house suddenly, and with only what she could carry. So she's now bunking with me. I'm also having to prepare to find a new apartment in October, and trying to save up what it's going to take to put a first and last month's payment down, as well as a security deposit. Luckily, the friend that's staying with me is willing to work together so that we can pool our resources to get a decent apartment in a good neighborhood, and there's a chance that another mutual friend may chose to join us. So that's both exciting and a bit terrifying, because I only have about four months to set aside $3k for moving expenses and such, and I'm still paying off a big vet bill (my gelding colicked a few weeks ago, and that cost me $600 that I'm still paying off), and I've still got some student loan debt and some credit card debt I racked up when my truck's flywheel broke off in spectacular fashion and required me to replace the entire flywheel and clutch (parts and labor came to a little over $900). The financial aspect is keeping me up at night - I'm trying to find extra work wherever I can, and I'm even looking for a third job. I've been saving every penny I can (my one riding lesson a week is my one thing I do for myself each week, to keep my sanity), and I've been working on selling off much of my unused tack, my books, and collectables, as well as selling as much of my artwork as I can. I've even arranged to lease two of my horses for the summer, and I've got a student's horse coming in to board with me when she leaves to go out of state for college in July, so I'll be getting paid $150 a month to ride him for her. So I feel like I'm at least being proactive/doing everything I can to be successful and move forward.

This blog post is mostly a way for me to organize my thoughts, and put my current plan into words. I'm determined to be the person I need to be, the rider and owner my horses deserve, a good friend, a good boss, and continue my weight loss goals (I'm down a pant size!!) I have to keep looking on the bright side, and not let fear, worry, or the odds cripple my enjoyment of life or my ability to keep moving forward. I may have it worse than some, but I have it a lot better than many. And thank God that I have the loving, supportive family and friends that I do, because if it weren't for my Faith and my faith in the people I love, I would have given up long ago.

October 2016

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