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Mentally Handicapped People & Sex


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#1 ++S.O. TURN 3++

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 06:19 AM

This isn't for ALL handicapped people, so don't get me wrong. This is just a problem I don't mind OPENLY talking about with other people.

I have a family member who we will call Kate. Kate is over the age of 18, but has been mentally handicapped since birth. Kate is someone I care about dearly. Her mother, who is not always such a great mother, lets her do what she pleases since Kate is over 18.

Kate is considered a "Child for Life"; meaning she can not live alone, she can never drive, she is not allowed to watch over younger children, etc.

A couple examples:
1. She caught the stove on fire making food. She didn't know how to tell it was done, even though she's taken classes to hopefully make her more independent, no improvement.
2. She was babysitting her 7 year old sibling, whom the cops got called on because she let him run around outside at one in the morning, throwing rocks at cars. The cops went to talk to her, and the only thing she kept saying is "I don't understand, I am mentally retarded" (which is what she was taught to say any time she was questioned by authorities without her mother, :( ) This getting DCFS involved.
3. She tried driving a friends car, who thought she had a driver's license (because Kate told them she did), and totalled the car out backing out of the driveway. (She never hit the brake, drove an 1/8 a mile backwards into a house. Speeding up as she went.)

Anyways, Kate has been allowed to date since she was 14. She has not ever dated any kids with handicaps, they've always been normal boys (who seemed to be up to no good.) She is not a virgin. And it's known she does not use protection, nor does she know what that is when you ask her, no matter how much you have a sex education talk with her, she doesn't understand.


The last guy Kate dated was 5 years older than her, and only asked her over to "get some" from her. This guy told Kate's mother that he doesn't use protection because Kate is "retarded" and "can't get pregnant." And was promptly told off. Kate can't take birth control because of the medication she is on. I don't remember exactly what it does to her, but I remember she was hospitalized for it.

Kate knows she is old enough to go out if she wants, and will tell you "F.U. I'm an adult".

Kate can not get pregnant without the risk of death due to a heart condition. She also has a severe eating problem that prevents her from knowing when she is "Full". She isn't always hungry, but can't tell when to stop. She has also been evaluated and we were told she thinks and acts like an 8 year old, and they don't think she will ever grow past that age mentally.



Do you think it is right for someone like this to be "used" for sex?
Do you think it is right that humane services has been turning the other cheek?
Do you think someone like Kate should be having sex since "technically" they are still a child?
Do you think it should be considered molestation?



Feel free to go completely wild with your opinion, but remember young people see this too.



My own opinion is torn. I don't think she should be, but then again, I believe I cant decide because her mother lets her do these things. I just want your opinion.


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#2 ozland

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 07:11 AM

No, no, no, and yes. I also think her mother should be prosecuted and jailed for allowing this.

S'cuse me, gotta go iron my birthday suit.

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#3 J.R.&Gin

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 07:54 AM

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There is so much I can say here. My oldest sister is mentally handicapped and I'll tell you right here that I'd kill anyone who ever tried to touch her like that.

"Kates" mother needs to be turned into the authorities for abuse of the handicapped by negelet.
She is negelting the girl and being used as a sex object. It doesn't matter if she is 18. She can't make those kinds of choices.
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#4 Transplantedagain

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 10:43 AM

Wow, that is just so sad. Probably a case where the tubes should be tied, since Kate is not competent (based on your descriptions) to be a mother, and it seems like it will be difficult to keep her from having sex.

Does anyone know what the laws are regarding "consensual" sex with a mentally handicapped adult? "Consensual" in quotes because it certainly seems like in this case, the adult in question does not have the mental capacity to consent. Are there any states where that would be considered statutory rape?

#5 Peppers Dad

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:11 AM

For Kate to be used as a sex toy for someone elses pleasure is illegal & immoral. She can't make good choices for her self, needs a competent caregiver to make those choices for her. Even though she may not like them. Her mother should be held responsible for the actions of Kate & any guy that Kate is with. And if Kate would get pregnant & die because of her health condition, then it would be a murder charge to both the guy & her mother. So I hope someone soon gets their head out of the clouds, & deal with reality!! PD

#6 Trinity

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:53 AM

Ive know several handicapped people. All could not drive and lived in assisted living of some sort or another. One of them was an older man basically homeless most of the time. He still had a girlfriend. All of them were sexually active. They all had some idea about pregnancy but no real clue. I dont know how they all didnt wind up preggers.

I do know this. Kate may be young at 18, but I dont care what you do, you cannot keep these folks from having sex if they want to. They are going to do it one way or another.

It may be morally wrong for Kates "boyfriend" and her mother may not be involved enough for her own good, but I guarentee you Kate will have sex if and when she wants to. You say she knows she an adult...So did these other folks I know. You cannot stop there free will unless you institutionalize them and even then I think they sleep with each other. Its a natural biological urge they dont control as well as most folks. They dont understand WHY they need to control it alot of time. They just...love...

Im no expert but I dont think Kates mother could do a whole lot to prevent it from happening unless she or someone was with Kate 24-7. Like it or not, Kate is an adult. I dont know the legality of it but I DO know Sex is natural and normal and they want to have it just as much as a anyone else.

Edited by Trinity, 05 December 2010 - 12:00 PM.

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#7 ***ThreeStarsCorc***

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:55 AM

It depends on the severity of the disability. From the OP, I would think that Kate is functioning at a level where it would be inappropriate to completely deny her the chance to explore/fulfill her sexual needs. However, she obviously needs more protection than she is getting because she is likely to make poor decisions when left on her own. She needs some type of birth control- if she can't take hormonal BC, then go with an nonhormonal method. Though that won't protect her from diseases, it's still important- perhaps mom could require the men to show her recent STD tests prior to allowing Kate spending time with them. In addition to that, kates possible partners need to be evaluated by her mother and if it seems inappropriate, they need to be removed from her life. Her mother should work to provide Kate with opportunities to meet men who are not predators, who are more appropriate for Kate to have a relationship with. While there may be "normal" men out there who could have a healthy relationship with her, it seems that often mentally handicapped indivduals are happier in relationships with someone with comparable disabilities. Of course the potential for abuse still exists there and care needs to be taken and all, but there is less of that predator/prey thing when both people are on the same level.

Kate's mind might be that of an 8 year old but her body is that of an adult and she needs a way to appropriately deal with her sexual urges. There's nothing wrong with mentally retarded people having sex, their caretakers just need to make sure that they are doing so safely.

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#8 Trinity

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:59 AM

Thanks 3stars...that is what I was trying to say for the most part.
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#9 Megquestrian

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 12:02 PM

QUOTE (***ThreeStarsCorc*** @ Dec 5 2010, 11:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It depends on the severity of the disability. From the OP, I would think that Kate is functioning at a level where it would be inappropriate to completely deny her the chance to explore/fulfill her sexual needs. However, she obviously needs more protection than she is getting because she is likely to make poor decisions when left on her own. She needs some type of birth control- if she can't take hormonal BC, then go with an nonhormonal method. Though that won't protect her from diseases, it's still important- perhaps mom could require the men to show her recent STD tests prior to allowing Kate spending time with them. In addition to that, kates possible partners need to be evaluated by her mother and if it seems inappropriate, they need to be removed from her life. Her mother should work to provide Kate with opportunities to meet men who are not predators, who are more appropriate for Kate to have a relationship with. While there may be "normal" men out there who could have a healthy relationship with her, it seems that often mentally handicapped indivduals are happier in relationships with someone with comparable disabilities. Of course the potential for abuse still exists there and care needs to be taken and all, but there is less of that predator/prey thing when both people are on the same level.

Kate's mind might be that of an 8 year old but her body is that of an adult and she needs a way to appropriately deal with her sexual urges. There's nothing wrong with mentally retarded people having sex, their caretakers just need to make sure that they are doing so safely.



Ditto! This is basically exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP.


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#10 Peppers Dad

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 05:42 PM

QUOTE (***ThreeStarsCorc*** @ Dec 5 2010, 10:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Kate's mind might be that of an 8 year old but her body is that of an adult and she needs a way to appropriately deal with her sexual urges. There's nothing wrong with mentally retarded people having sex, their caretakers just need to make sure that they are doing so safely.


I find this to be a real tough issue, as who is going to determine what is appropiate for Kates needs. There should be a legal determination for people like Kate that protects Kate The caregiver & anybody else involved. A sex drive is just a natural thing, but when you have a 8 year old mind in a adult situation, all avenues of approach have to explored first. I worked with special needs, developmentally disabled, or mentally challenged children & adults for 34 years, sexual behavior between two people was very much discouraged, as to many gray areas in laws, to protect them & us for neglect as caregivers. PD

#11 luther

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 06:46 PM

Do you think it is right for someone like this to be "used" for sex?

No, and anyone doing so should be charged as a sex offender.



Do you think it is right that humane services has been turning the other cheek?

Definitely not, by doing so they are providing a disservice rather than a service. Think of all the complications that could arise if Kate became pregnant.



Do you think someone like Kate should be having sex since "technically" they are still a child?

No, I feel that under the circumstances it is the same as statutory rape.



Do you think it should be considered molestation?

Yes.


"The last guy Kate dated was 5 years older than her, and only asked her over to "get some" from her. This guy told Kate's mother that he doesn't use protection because Kate is "retarded" and "can't get pregnant." "

If he honestly believes that he needs to be removed from the gene pool.




#12 ozland

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 06:57 PM

QUOTE
There's nothing wrong with mentally retarded people having sex,


True, I agree. BUT there is a LOT wrong with allowing her to be used by any man who wants to. And for carp's sake get the child on birth control! That *IS* her parent's responsibility, and to follow up and make sure she STAYS on it!

S'cuse me, gotta go iron my birthday suit.

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#13 Floridacracker

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 07:29 PM

What this boils down to is the mother deemed a legal guardian by the state? Does she receive disability benefits for her daughter? If so, she not only is responsible in making sound decisions in regards to her finances, but her decisions for her well being as well. If you have concerns on the decisions she(mom) is allowing, see what the laws are of your state regarding neglect of performing her duties of guardianship. An attorney that is verse in adult /child guardianships can tell you what direction you can pursue this legally.

#14 Megquestrian

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 08:29 PM

I've been thinking about this a little more and have a couple of points about this situation that I want to address.

First, Kate should be given freedoms that she can deal with at her mental age level. If she has the mental capacity as an 8 year old, medically speaking, then she should be treated as such. From what you've told us S.O., the freedoms that Kate's mother thinks she should have are not appropriate at all. I am all for folks with disabilities living the life they want to live, they should not be 'locked up' or considered less than a person just because they aren't the norm. However, in Kate's case, it seems like she cannot fully recognize the consequences of her actions, nor make appropriate and safe decisions for herself.
Her mother is just trying to normalize her, which is pretty awful. Kate is special for a reason, and should be respected for who she is, not be forced to be someone that she might never be able to become.

Second, Kate is in a unique situation. While mentally she might still be a child, her body is that of an adult's, and will have the same 'urges' that an adult body has. Kate will want to have sex, but because she is mentally a child, IMO she cannot give consent. If Kate were to find a sexual partner on the same mental level as her, then I think it would be much more appropriate. There also is the chance that she could find a partner who is 'normal' and truly loves her as she is, and is not trying to take advantage. In both situations, she should be taught to use BC, especially because the OP noted that if Kate were to get pregnant, it could be fatal for her.
I am sure there could be a way for her to find a BC that she could take that did not interfere with her medications. I think it is the responsibility for her doctors to recognize that Kate is sexually active, that pregnancy is dangerous for her, and find a BC that can work with her medications. Stop ignoring the fact that she is not an asexual being just because she is mentally handicapped. If pregnancy could kill her, then why isn't she protected.

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#15 Arab-Lover

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 08:56 PM

That is just terrible. My middle daughter has Downs Syndrome and mentally she is 5 but she just turned 18.
As I read the post, I felt so sick to my stomache. I would be in jail if a guy or girl ever tried to touch my daughter.
I have guardianship of my daughter. That means I am responsible for her and her actions.
Doesn't sound like the mother cares very much for her child.
There is no way I could let my daughter, who mentally is 5 have sex.
And there are laws when dealing with handicapped people.

My daughter doesn't even know what sex is, because mentally she is 5 and thinks like a 5 yr. old.



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#16 Arab-Lover

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 09:02 PM

QUOTE
There's nothing wrong with mentally retarded people having sex,




YES there is. It depends on how old they are mentally. How is it ok for someone to have sex that is mentally 8. That means they think like an 8 yr. old.
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#17 Arab-Lover

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 09:10 PM

Do you think it is right for someone like this to be "used" for sex?

No. And if she is mentally 8 then she probably doesn't even understand what sex is all about.



Do you think it is right that humane services has been turning the other cheek?

No. And I would keep on them til they done something. There are laws about handicapped people




Do you think someone like Kate should be having sex since "technically" they are still a child?
NO. There is no way she fully understands if mentally she is 8.




Do you think it should be considered molestation?

I would consider it rape. If she is mentally 8, there is no way she should or could make her own decisions.
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#18 ++S.O. TURN 3++

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:40 PM

Thanks guys, and to clarify some questions and statements.

I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and I am Manic Depressive. I'm also dyslexic, so I am not AGAINST mentally handicapped people having intercourse. ETA: Since, I could legally withdraw a disability check in my state. I am basically considered to have a mental disability, but I can still work and function normally. Disability checks are for those who really need it. lol. If you met me, you'd NEVER know I had any problems. I'm as normal as anyone else.

1. They have been talking to doctors about doing getting her tubes tied, but every surgery she has had, she's had medium to severe complications. They aren't sure how she'd handle the pain either. She's really pain intolerable. She also has had allergic reactions to the different types of birth control medications she has tried. She is not allergic to Latex, but try telling her to make sure her boyfriend puts a condom on is like talking to a wall. She doesn't remember.

2. Her mother has legal guardianship and receives a monthly disability check. Since Kate can not handle her finances, her mother is in charge of what her money goes towards. And since Kate has turned 18, her mother uses it for half the rent since "Kate is an adult and needs to start paying for her stay."

3. We are also talking about a mother who leaves Kate and her little brother home almost the entire weekend alone so she can go to the bars. We've had plenty of arguments over this, and DCFS has been called, but Kate's mother is a good talker and has the kids "well-trained".


I do agree that any person, regardless of race, color, religion, or mental standards should be allowed to choose their own way, but if this is potentially putting their life in danger, is it best to just turn the cheek?

Edited by ++S.O. TURN 3++, 05 December 2010 - 11:44 PM.


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#19 Ann Wheeler

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Posted 06 December 2010 - 03:16 AM

A couple examples:
QUOTE
1. She caught the stove on fire making food. She didn't know how to tell it was done, even though she's taken classes to hopefully make her more independent, no improvement.
next could set the house on fire, killing both her and her brother2. She was babysitting her 7 year old sibling, whom the cops got called on because she let him run around outside at one in the morning, throwing rocks at cars. The cops went to talk to her, and the only thing she kept saying is "I don't understand, I am mentally retarded" (which is what she was taught to say any time she was questioned by authorities without her mother, :( ) This getting DCFS involved
.I'm surprised both weren't removed from the home.what if her little brother ran out into the street got hit by a car.
3. She tried driving a friends car, who thought she had a driver's license (because Kate told them she did), and totalled the car out backing out of the driveway. (She never hit the brake, drove an 1/8 a mile backwards into a house. Speeding up as she went.)
this friend actually didn't know she was mentally handicapped ,has the mind of an eight year old child? what next take a car, go or joy ride,end up getting killed..


the mother has legal guardianship,does 'this mother understand the full intent of this, Doesn't she understand that she is fullyreponsible for her daughter's reponsibilities and actions,can be held accountable she is responsibile for her daughter's wellbeing.being her daughter is incompetant to act /function as an normal adult is incapable of being competant ,functioning for her own wellbeing .
What is wrong with the police,the DFCs. this mother should have been arrested for endangerment to her child in regarding her seven year old child.. she should have been held accountable putting her daughter's health at risk at age 14,by allowing her to date, having sex..
the DFCs should ahve removed both from the home. knowing the situation from the reports.being the mother is not being responsible for either of them,nor thier wellbeing..
seriously something is wrong with the DCFS,the police department,knowing the situation. yet nothing being done.
the men should be held accountable, for taking advantage havings sex with this young lady. Some states declare it illegal to have sex with mentally handicapped person. depends on the severity of the person's mental handicap ,the understanding giving consent,ect. in which in this case,
from what i understand this girl probably doesn't understand about giving consent,
QUOTE
nor does she know what that is when you ask her, no matter how much you have a sex education talk with her, she doesn't understand.

Illnois state law
pertaining to the seven year old child
Sec. 12-21.6. Endangering the life or health of a child.
(a) It is unlawful for any person to willfully cause or permit the life or health of a child under the age of 18 to be endangered or to willfully cause or permit a child to be placed in circumstances that endanger the child's life or health.

pertainingg to having sex with a mentally handicapped person
Sec. 12-13. Criminal Sexual Assault.
(a) The accused commits criminal sexual assault if he or she:
(2) commits an act of sexual penetration and the accused knew that the victim was unable to understand the nature of the act or was unable to give knowing consent; or
Sec. 12-14. Aggravated Criminal Sexual Assault.
c) The accused commits aggravated criminal sexual assault if he or she commits an act of sexual penetration with a victim who was an institutionalized severely or profoundly mentally retarded person at the time the act was committed.

I have a mentallyhandicapped daughter,mentally age 8 .physically 23 have legal guardianship in which it satesi'm legally reponsibile for my daughter' well being her responsiblities, her actions can be held accountable for them.. She is on Birth control pills,has been since 12 to control her hormones,ect.
Nor did or would I allow any male near her..

also medications can can cause side effects such as increase/decrease appitite, increase,decrease hormone levels, can cause behavior changes..

Edited by Ann Wheeler, 06 December 2010 - 05:56 AM.


#20 Bluesma

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Posted 06 December 2010 - 05:55 AM

I have a sister like Kate.
Her first sexual experience was when two older guys in a park met her, both told her they'd be her boyfriend and loved her- then took turns having sex with her in the bushes.
She was so proud to tell me she now had two boyfriends.....

She did have a long term relationship with a guy that was normal, but we learned he has some control issues- likes to have a dependant and obediant mate (now he has a wife he sent away for, from Russia).
She had a child by that man, and raised it alone.

She also got married a few years ago, and when she kept trying to get pregnant again, he divorced her.

She is on birth control now, has an implant. It was not easy to get her to stick to birth control, as really, all she ever wanted was a baby. She's 38 now, so I think has given up on it.

THe time she first had sex in the park, I blame on myself. I was always with her and protecting her until that point, when I was 19 and spending too much time off with my own boyfriend and friends.
She was 16. My mother could not do it, it is a full time job- it means there with her at school, it means being in the yard and neighborhood with her after school, it means having an inside ear to what other kids are doing and saying and planning.....

My sister learned to drive and has a license. But we spent years teaching her and she took the test 9 times before passing. Then she had 9 fender benders in the first year. Then all went fine.

When she was alone raising her son, bad decisions just caused her problems- she wasn't good at judging people who tried to befriend her, and they were often predators after her or her boy. But nothing real serious happened. She ended up moving in with my father, so they could help her, but they keep being quick to push her off onto any guy that comes along.

They recently celebrated that they got her to move in with a guy and leave their home...... only to admit later that he is a violent alcoholic. But hey.... at least they don't have to think about her anymore!

To sum up my opinion on the subject.... for we discuss it often, my stepdad and I, is that I think some sort of forced birthcontrol or even surgical procedure should have been done.

She wasn't willfully overly sexually active, and I was there to protect her most of the time, but no one can be there ALL the time, and even the mentally retarded have a deep need for love and affection.
Even if her child is bright and still alive, he has spent most of his teen years in psychiatric hospitals.
Being a parent to your mother from the time you are born is too heavy not to screw you up a bit. Now we've always got to be on the watch for another suicide attempt by him.

I wouldn't want it abused, but in some cases, I do think a forced sterilization of some handicapped members of the community should be done.

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#21 wireweiners

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Posted 06 December 2010 - 01:58 PM

Welcome to my world. I deal with this every day and its way more complicated than you think. In the first place, the MR person may have the mental capacity of a child but legally she is an adult and as such has rights, even if she has a guardian. One of those rights is to live in the least restrictive environment possible. That includes the right to have sex and even the right to have children. Further, just because she is low functioning doesn't mean she doesn't know the meaning of the sex act and isn't capable of giving consent to have sex. It is also very difficult to force someone to be on birth control or be sterilized. It requires a court order, doctor and psychologist statements and the person is appointed a guardian ad litem to represent their interests. If the retarded person indicates that they do not want to be sterilized or on birth control and would like to have a child, then the court is very unlikely to order it. It can cost the guardian $$$ in legal fees to try to get an adult retarded child sterilized. Oh and I forgot to mention the advocates for the retarded who come out of the wood work to help them fight sterilization but who conveniently disappear when the child is born.

Anybody remember the movie, "I am Sam" about the retarded man trying to raise his child? In the movie, DHS was portrayed as this evil entity trying to remove a child from its loving but handicapped father. In reality, children born to retarded parents are way more likely to be abused or neglected and usually have developmental delays due to the fact that their parents aren't able to interact with them properly. Plus at some point, the child outstrips the parent intellectually and either manipulates the parent and runs wild or becomes the parent to the parent. There are exceptions of course when the retarded parent has a great deal of support from family or the community but those are generally rare.

Right now, in my case load, I have a retarded couple. I have removed and terminated rights on 3 children from this mother. She almost killed the first baby because she has very little impulse control and became angry when the child wouldn't stop crying. We took the other children straight from the hospital so she wouldn't have the chance to hurt them. Right now, we are fixing to terminate on a 4th child and she is pregnant again and due in January, I believe. bang_head.gif You'd think we'd be able to get her court ordered to be "fixed" but no go. It is truly fustrating.
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#22 Ann Wheeler

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Posted 07 December 2010 - 05:31 AM




QUOTE
Further, just because she is low functioning doesn't mean she doesn't know the meaning of the sex act and isn't capable of giving consent to have sex


may give consent ,but not understand it, that is why some states have laws that is illegal to have sex with mentally handicap person the difficult part is to prove that they didn't understand it.. in some cases the mentally handicapped person would be willing to do anything to be accepted, or can easily be bribed,taken advantage of..
being a legal guardian, one is legally responsible for their ward, they are to look out for their best interests, rights ,wellbeing and protect them..



#23 Peppers Dad

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Posted 07 December 2010 - 11:46 AM

QUOTE (Ann Wheeler @ Dec 7 2010, 04:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
may give consent ,but not understand it, that is why some states have laws that is illegal to have sex with mentally handicap person the difficult part is to prove that they didn't understand it.. in some cases the mentally handicapped person would be willing to do anything to be accepted, or can easily be bribed,taken advantage of..
being a legal guardian, one is legally responsible for their ward, they are to look out for their best interests, rights ,wellbeing and protect them..



Ann, I agree with your post a 150%, Special Needs, Mentally Challenged, Developmentally Disabled, all come under Mentally Retarded. As I said in earlier post, I worked 34 years as a caregiver to these folks. It was our job create a healthy environment for them, & to prepare them for a community sitting. They had jobs to learn skills, & dances many other activities to learn social skills. Sexual behavior was never encouraged, I won't say it never happened, but there were consequences for such actions. One can never know if sex between two people with a 4-6 year old mentality is ever trully consenual. Just as it is a parents job to protect children, it was our job to protect our people from negetive influences, & develope that healthy environment. All retarded people have the right to be loved, & even feel special by a person of the opposite sex. A healthy environment helps people make healthy choices. It takes responsible people to help them make healthy choices, & if not, then that person or persons, should be held accountable!!

wireweiners, I can imagine you must want to pull your hair out at times, dealing with a bureaucy that often gives you two different messages. We have far to many so called normal people making poor choices, & then to compound that with special needs adults often being victimized in a community setting. I'm all for people having rights, but I also think that retarded community has the right protected from those that take advantage of them. This a subject close to my heart, as I've up & down this road & around just about every corner of it. PD

#24 Hibiscus

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Posted 07 December 2010 - 07:10 PM

Kind of similar story here.

One of my mom's good friends is going through **** right now trying to get custody of her son's daughter. Child is 4 months old. Son/ father has cerebal palsy and is 15 years old. The infant's mother is 14 years old and lives with her drunk father. Drunk father was given custody of child at birth by court. Court determined that the father of the child has no rights to child until he turns 16. Child often goes without formula, etc because the girl's father spends money on liquor. Mom's friend calls DFCS DAILY trying to have SOMETHING done, but they are overloaded with cases and tell her there is nothing they can do until her son is 16yo as ordered by the courts. The infant is noticeably underweight/ malnourished but nothing is being done. Mom's friend goes by and drops off formula and clothes (baby is often way under-dressed and cold) and other necessities until she can fight for custody. The 14yo is going about her teenage life with the child in the house with her father severely neglects the child. That's one case were the child would be FAR better off with the handicapped father. At least it would have enough to eat and have enough clothes to keep it warm.

This thread just reminded me of the situation. It burns my butt.

#25 bigbatboy23

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 04:19 PM

i think the mentally challenged people should be sterilized. i myself is a mentally challenged guy and i had my parents get me sterilized when i was 20 years old. my parents know i'm not capable of raising children. children get on my nervs really easy.

#26 Blondyy

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:01 PM

:shocked: Um, wow. Well, while I agree that a man should not be taking advantage of a mentally handicapped person, and that the guardian should have **some** say so, but to deny your child the RIGHT to have sex because they are not "mentally" that old is downright abuse IMO.


I don't care how old someone is mentally...they still have the body, along with all the hormones that come a long with it. To deny your adult child to engage in sexual activities because you don't want them hurt or taken advantage of is downright unfair and cruel to your child.


What an awful way to have to live...under a dictatorship where you cannot even express your basic needs because momma/daddy want you under their skirts.


I can understand being protective about who they spend their time with and that is ok. But to deny someone their most basic needs is horrendous. :angry:


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#27 ozland

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:36 PM

If people were taught to control that "basic need" we would have a lot fewer pregnant children. And regardless to hype, you absolutely CAN live without sex. It ain't torture. Just like drugs; just say no. We aren't that far down the "animal" ladder.

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#28 Serah Rose

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 07:54 PM

If Kate can be taught to say "I'm an adult, FU" then she should be able to be taught to say to men "You have to use a condom" should she not?

Just wanted to address/ask that...

It doesn't sound like the caregiver is really trying all that hard, and that is just so sad.

My sister's parents are both disabled - he mother is very physically disabled, and her father is just crazy (and that's putting in nicely, IMO) and she came to live with my family when she was 5. Her parent's parental rights were never terminated, but they did agree w/ the state to allow my parents to be her guardians. Sister still got to spend holidays/weekends with her parents, and when she was old enough, entire summers. Sister is "normal" so-to-speak, despite her father's best efforts to get her certified with some sort of disability. (like I said...he's crazy...who WANTS their kid to be considered handicapped in any way? ugh)

Having seen it first hand, I know just how hard it is for a child to be raised by disabled adults. Her mom is the salt of the earth and I just adore her mom...but there was no way whatsoever that her mother could care for her. Sister has done her best to shield her mom from her father's abuse/neglect/manipulation...but really, that should not have been her job.
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#29 Blondyy

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 09:45 PM

If people were taught to control that "basic need" we would have a lot fewer pregnant children. And regardless to hype, you absolutely CAN live without sex. It ain't torture. Just like drugs; just say no. We aren't that far down the "animal" ladder.


It's not JUST about the sex. It is also the love and companionship that sometimes happens when you are involved with someone. No one should be denied that right.


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#30 TheBigRedDog

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:10 PM

It's not JUST about the sex. It is also the love and companionship that sometimes happens when you are involved with someone. No one should be denied that right.


It's not love or companionship if Kate is being used for sex because of her disability.

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