Here's what they have to deal with. It's a good reminder for us humans to be responsible!
Animal Shelter's Answering Machine
Hello: You have reached the ___-____, animal shelter. Due to the
high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to
the following options and choose the one that best describes you or
Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog or cat and your 15-year-old son has
suddenly become allergic and you need to find it a new home
Press 2 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your
150 pound, 8-year-old dog and your 5 adult cats, 2 of which are pregnant.
Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of
your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a
baby and dogs at the same time or if you have a cat and really believe
the old wives tale that the cat will steal the babies breath away.
Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy or kitten and your old dog or cat is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 5 if your little puppy or kitten has grown up and is no longer small and
cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY
and pick up the animal you no longer want.
Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the
last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not yours.
Press 8 if your pet is sick and needs a vet but you need the money
for your vacation.
Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy or kitten who is not
active and is going to outlive you.
Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for
their elderly dog or cat because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.
Press 11 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know
you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is
in fact, better than just leaving the dog with no message.
Press 12 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to
take your pet that you have had for fifteen years, because it is
not our responsibility.
Press 13 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old pet
to be euthanized or to set it free in the streets because we can't take it.
Press 14 if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, housebroken, kid
and cat friendly purebred dogs that we have an abundance of.
Press 15 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight
aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your
Press 16 if you have already called once and been told we can't take
your problem animal, but thought you would get a different person this
time with a different answer.
Press 17 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to
board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge,
Press 18 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want us to
deliver an eight week old puppy or kitten to your house by 6:30 am before
your kids wake up.
Press 19 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby
bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 20 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had
ten litters and is pregnant again but you never had spayed because it's "unnatural." .
Press 21 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel
bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 22 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because
it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility
that the cat's behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 23 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house
but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 24 if you previously had an outdoor only dog or cat and are calling
because she is suddenly pregnant (again).
Press 25 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and
have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it
Press 26 if you didn't listen to the message that we are closed sometimes
and you are angry because our hours don't fit into your schedule.
Press 27 if you need a puppy or kitten immediately and cannot wait because
today is your daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born.
Press 28 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you
need a different color or breed.
Press 29 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too
stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next
month anyway) instead of the dog.
Press 30 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear
enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being
shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog or cat
while the vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family.
~Author Unknown, but much appreciated