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erin_iwamoto

Dressage Chit Chat Thread Vol. 3

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Well it's my day of reckoning and to say I'm scared crapless would be an understatement. Today decides my future...literally. I have an appointment at 4 with a psychiatrist for my panic disorder and social anxiety. At this appointment I will decide if I really am going to disenroll from college to work full time so I can concentrate on restoring my mental welfare and I will decide how on earth I'm going to tell me parents. I talked with Tadd, and we both think that right now, disenrolling from college would be my best option. All it is doing is increasing my panic attacks and I'm destroying myself by staying enrolled. This thread is a bit more specific http://forums.horsecity.com/cgi-bin/bb/ult...c;f=29;t=039596 If my parents don't fly down from Alaska to personally murder me, my plan of action would be to work fulltime, possibly getting a second job if I feel I can mentally handle it without breaking down, and studying for my ALAT that I will be able to take in January, which will certify me as an Animal Lab Technician. From there, if Tadd gets accepted in NJ, I will follow him there immediately, rather than finishing school here, begin work, and establish residency after a year. After establishing residency I'd begin college all over again with a completely clean slate. I think what I'm most terrified of right now are my parents....

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Hola folks... I can't keep up so don't post much on here... BUUUTTTT

Inky... wanted to throw a little moral support in your direction. I can't offer much in the way of advice, but seems that you could use a little extra in the next few days. Sounds like you have a lot of people in your corner on this one, and you are pulling in some resources that you need. Keep it up, best wishes your way...

[Huggy]

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Inky, the time you spend now addressing your mental health will benefit you the rest of your life! I am so glad that you have Tadd in your life. A supportive loved one can really help in the scary lonely journey of dealing with mental issues.

Withdrawing from college is not the end of the world. It isn't necessarily the end of higher education! It's just a detour. If college life is a big part of what is *triggering* the attacks, then finding a different environment for awhile is a VERY good idea. Kudos for recognizing a very difficult situation and gathering the courage to address it. [Not Worthy]

I have my own struggles with depression and anxiety, and can sympathize. It is an ongoing process, but there is a LOT of help available. I hope you will continue seeing a professional who can help you navigate your way through the journey.

I don't have any good suggestions for dealing with your parents. My parents have had their own struggles with depression so they are very supportive when I need to change gears for my health. It MAY be that your parents are afraid of the idea of mental illness because they haven't been around it. They may surprise you. If not, pay more attention to Tadd than your parents. Some people just don't understand that it is so much more than a matter of will or hard work to stay emotionally healthy. You have already taken the hardest, most important steps! [Huggy]

Take care, and pm me if you want to talk sometime. I can pm you my phone number (or vice versa) if you want to talk.

Tracy

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Inky - You've already taken the hardest step - making the appointment with the Dr., but be prepared because the next hardest step is about to come. The Dr. isn't going to tell you what to do, Inky. He will help guide you down a path, but you are going to have to make the decision about whether to stay in school or leave school on your own. No matter what decision you make, it sounds like you have a fabulous support system at home in Tadd which is exactly what you need right right now, and you will always get all the support you need right here. I can relate to what you are going through. Law school was one of the hardest experiences of my life and brought about panic/anxiety attacks for the first time ever for me. With the help of a counselor, I managed to crawl my way through 3 years of school, barely, but it changed me. I am not the same person that went into that school. There were days when I wished I had the stength to just walk away. Do not loose yourself to your illness. Take care of yourself first. School will always be there waiting for you. [Huggy]

~Shelly~

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Sorry to be so self-absorbed at the moment...I know alot of you are going through some stuff right now, and I just want you all to know that I do read the posts, and while my tired old brain can't always recall the specifics, you are all in my prayers. [Angel]

Inky--Your parents will understand. When push comes to shove, your health will be the most important thing to them. And it's not like you're going to quit school to go basketweaving in a commune or something...it's just a temporary thing and you and Tadd are getting your lives lined out right now. That's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

As someone who put herself (stupidly I might add) through school and having it take 8 years instead of the usual 4, going back to school is tough but if you stay on track with your plans and always have the goal in front of you, you will be able to accomplish it.

Best wishes to you. [big Grin] And good luck with the doc today.

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SG, sorry to hear about the groomsmans Dad. I know how that is. We unexpectedly lost my Dad 6 years ago tomorrow. It still seems like only yesterday and my Mother is still so sad. Yes she has gotten on with her life, but I know a day does not go by that she does not think about and terribly miss my Dad. Sending prayers their way.

Inky, taking control of your situation is the first step to recovery and it sounds like you have an excellent handle on it. I am proud of you for recognizing what you have to do and thank goodness for Tad! Hang in there and just be honest with your folks. They love you and they will hopefully understand. You have to live your life for yourself, nobody else. A break will do you good and you can start fresh later on! Best of luck to you.

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Thanks guys [Huggy] I'm back from my psych appt and it went extremely well, other than the fact I have a POUNDING headache from being so nervous about going all day lol. I really like the psychiatrist and was able to actually converse with him unlike how it was at the WSU clinic. He wants me to go in to the university health clinic tomorrow to get an SSRI and benzo's (NOT Zoloft this time [Razz] ) and talk to a doctor about getting a medical withdrawal from WSU. He agrees with me that taking a semester off is probably best while I regain control. He says it's up to me, if I think I can handle spring semester on the meds, then go ahead and try it, but both Tadd and I think it'd be best if I take it off. After talking for awhile he thinks it may be more of a post traumatic stress syndrome than panic attacks from my childhood and I can certainly see how it may be that. It's really encouraging because he went through something almost identical to what I'm going through when he was in college and flunked out twice, but now he almost has his phD. So it was great talking one on one on how his psychiatrist helped him get through it too. I'm really excited about my next appointment now [Jump]

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Inky, so glad to hear the dr's appointment went well. It sounds like the right decision has been made from how happy you are. Good for you. Now the healing can begin.

~Shelly~

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I start my new, big company job today. Woot. Of course, the more I work the more I wish that I could work from home. But...I don't think any of those work from home deals are legitimate. *sigh*

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Good for you, Inky! I find that a good rapport makes more of a difference in a therapeutic relationship than anything else. I'm glad you found the doctor easy to talk to. Expect to be exhausted after your first several appointments. Emotional work is hard, but worth the effort.

Ok, sorry, done preaching now. I just know how much help I've gotten over the years and want others to get same benefits!

I've had a few good rides on Fessor lately. I had to laugh last night when Fess spooked at an "avalanche" on the shavings pile. [smile] I learned later that the avalance was caused by a frog trying to jump up the pile. We're starting to figure out maintaining an even contact, and our walk is *beginning* to improve. It still needs a lot of work, but we're starting to get somewhere. Now if I can just remember to support the outside rein and keep that shoulder from bulging out...

Tracy

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quote:

Originally posted by Santas_Girl:

I start my new, big company job today. Woot. Of course, the more I work the more I wish that I could work from home. But...I don't think any of those work from home deals are legitimate. *sigh*

Good luck! I must have missed that post while I was gone. Either that, or my short term memory is lacking again (which it has been lately lol)

Sounds like a good ride Tracy [big Grin] Don't you love those tiny random occurrences that causes spooks? Wonder who was more scared, the frog since he caused an avanlanche or Fessor because of the avanlanche [Question][Razz]

And thanks for the wellwishes [big Grin] I'm extremely happy now that I (kind of) have this sorted out. Still scared, but I feel somewhat more confident now that I have more backup. I'm really glad I found a doctor I could relate to right away, otherwise it probably would've been awhile before I worked up the courage to call another one. Last time I tried the university clinic I just had a woman sitting there staring at me, forcing me to talk, taking notes, and recording me. Sure most of that stuff is normal, but she made it seem like an interrogation! [Eek!]

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quote:

Originally posted by Fear them all:

quote:

Originally posted by Wild Oaks Farm:

I've been to Hastings! I went there years ago. I was 12 and my Grandma took me to England for 3 weeks. I can't remember what we did in Hastings though. Maybe visited the castle? I am trying to get my husband to take my back there this summer.

If you do come back, let me know!

I will! I really do think we'll be going this summer.

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Inky: Do what makes you feel better. You can ALWAYS finish school later (that's what I keep telling myself anyway [Roll Eyes] ). Your health is much more important right NOW.

BQD: I read that jumping clinic too. It annoys me also. I think it's rude and hurtful. I pretty much always skip to the part where he talks about the horse and turnout. [big Grin] He has said that many times; I'm surprised he even feels the need to say it anymore.

DQ: Pics of horsey please! [big Grin] Or maybe you have posted them already and I just haven't checked the other thread.

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[Confused]

Im at a loss. I updated my thread on Layla.

Does anyone think its worth having the basic work up PPE done to show to potential owners? I think its just over $100 for the basics with flexions, no xrays of course. What do you think?

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I agree with Inky Shantel.

I'm sorry this buyer didn't work out, but the right buyer will come along.

As for me, I work up to -5 degree wind chills. I'm not looking forward to going outside to scrape the ice off of my car and convince it to start...lol...it's a '96 chevy with 173,000 miles on it.

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Tracy - Glad to hear you had a good ride on Fess - and the frogs are keeping you on your toes!! [big Grin]

Remmie - I'm jealous that you don't have to commute to work. You lucky duck!!

WOF - No you didn't miss pics of DQ's new horse yet - she is being a SLACKER about getting pics posted!! [Razz]

Shantel - Don't waste your money on a PPE. Let's face it, everyone knows that if you shop around long enough and hard enough, you can find a vet that will sign off on a favorable PPE for a horse with three broken legs. Therefore no buyer is going to put stock in a favorable PPE unless it comes from THEIR personal vet. I know you are disappointed right now, but hang in there. The right buyer is out there and will come along. Who knows, maybe even the lady who lost her gelding to colic will give you a call back.

SG - Brrrr....you have all the cold right now. Hope you have an indoor to ride in. We were having a major warm snap earlier in the week, but the temps are starting to drop again. Still not anywhere near where it should be for this time of year though.

~Shelly~

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Sigh...as if paying 15 k a year not including books and other various expenses isn't enough for the college. I spent about $435.00 on books at the beginning of the semester, I just sold them back....I got FIFTEEN dollars back [Eek!][Mad] They would only take one book back because they upgraded all the other editions [bang Head] Every year my income back from books gets progressively less. [Razz]

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Inky, I've been following your story on the other thread and I just wanted you to know that my heartand prayers are with you.

Every living thing grows away from the parents and leaves the nest, humans included, at least for a time.

Honor your parents in giving them the consideration of an explanation and a word of appreciation for them doing the best they knew how.

Their reaction is their choice, but remember that when they do react, it may not be a permanent reaction. They will get over it. Do whatever is best for YOU. That's the only way you are ever going to be "the best you can be." Not what they think is the best you, but your very own, unique best. Then your star will shine.

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My horse, an Arab mare, is up for sale, and a woman called the other night and is interested in her! I just sent off some photos through email.

I haven't actually talked to her, just played phone tag, but my dad did last night. She said she was looking for a hunter horse...I am assuming she means hunter-jumper, not hunter pleasure...? I am a dressage rider so I wouldn't know.

I am hoping that she will come look at her, and if she does, I need to get Alibi (my horse) looking awesome. Alibi's paddock is really muddy, and the hot water wash rack isn't installed yet, so I am stuck with cold water. Unfortunately, due to the mud, Alibi's legs are muddy (about 3" above the hoof). Should I just use cold water, or heat up some water and then sponge her legs off?

Another question: I have had Alibi about 6 months, and when I got her, she had the Arab cut (long bridle path). I have been letting it grow out, so it looks like she has a mohawk. [big Grin] . Should I try and braid her entire mane, including the mohawk, or just leave it? Should I apply human styling gel and come it to the side? Any ideas?

Thanks everyone...and my apologies for this being so long!

All replies are really really appreciated.

[smiley Wavey]

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Luv--I would have this person make very clear what it is she's looking for, and if your horse isn't it then she needs to know. "Hunter" to me means jumping, with flat work as needed.

As far as prettying your mare up, the mohawk thing may not be all that attractive at the moment, but it does grow out and your prospective buyer should be able to look beyond that...hopefully.

[big Grin]

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WARNING: This is a vent. Read at your own risk.

I just had a lovely tea with the lady who's supposed to be leasing Pokey. Now, she's just as nice as can be, and brilliant to boot (she's finishing up her dissertation process for her Ph.D). But she's told me now that she HAS TO THINK ABOUT IT!! [Mad]

I tried to be as up front with her as possible, defining what a "lease" means to me and Pokey, and reassure her that she can pretty much treat him as her own, and I'm keeping him just so he'll have a place to come home to when he's no longer useful as a riding horse. He's my baby but she needs to be able to bond with him and all, and I wouldn't interfere in that process unless asked...she also travels alot for business and if she needs me to attend to any needs in her absence, she asks, I don't assume.

I think that's pretty darn fair. I'm also paying the vet bills as part of the deal, because I'm keeping him insured. Also pretty fair, in my humble ope.

Anyways, now I'm in limbo with this deal. I can't afford to keep 2 horses boarded and in training, and if I have to bring Pokey home so be it, but he's so fit and sound it's such a waste.

[Mad]

I put a call in to my trainer in the hope that she has a plan B just in case. If not, I guess I bring him home....poor guy, he's really doing so well right now and all he'll do is just get fat & flabby in my backyard.

...people... [Mad]

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DQ, is Pokey suitable for a lesson horse? If so, what about your trainer or barn or someone, leasing him for that purpose?

I know what you mean about boarding two horses. Last year, from July until Jan. I was trying to sell one of my horses. I was in TN and board is through the roof there! It took me 6 months and I finally sold him. He was a super nice horse, but not as nice as my current horse and I just could not see trying to keep up two horses, much less time to ride two of them. It was a huge relief when he sold and he went to an awesome dressage home!

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DQ - Maybe she will come through. If not, I am sure that you can find someone else. And if it does come to Pokey going home and getting fat, well...he won't care! [Razz] My horses all seem to like sitting around and getting flabby just fine. They're experts in it. [Roll Eyes]

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