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RUN N RATE

can I borrow some shoulders to cry on??? OT

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Men??? Who needs them?

I adore my fiance, he has been so unbelievable. He moved in to my parent's home a couple years ago to help me take care of my mom who has alzheimers. My dad is still living but is not a natural born caretaker, he will eat and not fix anything for my mom to eat, take his meds without reminding Mom to take her's too, tell her to write things down and then be upset with her because she forgot that she had it writtern down [Duh] , and on and on. I will not leave my mom solely in his care, it would be what my vet would refer to as "benign neglect".

Anyway, Dave has been more than wonderful as far as that goes... However...sadly he seems to cut my legs out from under me as far as my horses go. He second guesses everything I do with them, from vaccine programs to vet visits to feeding. We were discussing my mare the other day, I have (in my mind) worked really hard all this winter to figure out what was going wrong and went out of my box to figure out a program that would work for her and said something to that affect. He said "No, she just has done a better job than Tucker did at figuring out how to put up with you." [Embarrassed]

I don't ride high powered open horses but I do ride Nice horses. The mare I am speaking of just ran an 18.92 on her first competitive run EVER with the winning time being a 16.97 ran by a girl that won one round at Red Bluff Rodeo and placed in another round, not gonna hang my head over that. Yes, we have more work to do obviously, but...give me a freaking break!

Then I was talking to him today about whether I should travel the 3 hours down to Lodi for a cutting show with the price of fuel. He said "No, since you aren't competitive enough to win it." I mean I understand why you wouldn't neccesarily drive that far to mark a 60 or a 62 if that is all your were capable of, but my gelding marked a 67 in his first show with the winning mark being a 69.

Anyway, I just needed to get things off my chest before I go home and go ride my horses. I will feel better after that, I always do, but it is always nice to have someone to talk to about things anyway.

Sorry for being so whinney today, guess I need to get over myself and pull up my big girl panties. Sometimes they just don't fit very well [surrender]

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Aw man. That's tough. I'd be very upset if my boyfriend, Cory, said those things to me. It just mean. Unless he was joking, of course. I'm sorry it's been hard lately [Frown] I'm sure it'll get better!! Good luck with taking care of your mom, too. If you ever wanna just talk or vent, you can pm me [Huggy]

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Man, that story sounded just like one of my GF's hubbies. He is always putting her down when it comes to ANYTHING to do with horses. Granted, she doesn't have 1-D stock but shes working HARD on what she has got.

He will would even do this at SHOWS and it seemed to me that he went out of his way to belittle her infront of her friends.

Then at a show, i was feeling a little frisky. HE started in on her and i looked him square in the eyes and said...

" You think barrel racing is easy and ANYONE can do it?" "Here, take my mare(who at the time was only a 3-D horse), I'll even pay your fee, and you ride in the adult 4-D."

He kind of hummed and hawed about it, I mean what does he have to prove, he's a roper.(NEVER seen him rope yet [Confused] "

I finally said, "Listen buddy put your money where your mouth is or are you afraid?"

HE rode and FEEL OFF when my mare rated for the first turn.

I have NEVER heard him talk down to her at the shows and in front of me since then. But, i can't tell you what goes on at home.

IMO...What he is doing is amounting to Mental Abuse, based on my own experience. I don't now what his reasons are for doing what he's doing to you, but he is taking the joy and fun out of something YOU love.

Constructive critism is one thing, belittling you is another. DO NOT TAKE IT!

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Hi r-n-r,

I understand where u are coming from, my fiance used to say things like that to me too. Mainly because he is bitter about one of his head horses dying (he used to be a great roper and went to the nfr in 2001, etc), and after that happened, he sold the rest of his 11 horses, and hasn't stepped on one since. He says he hates horses all the time, and that he can't even stand to look at them. But, I still have my 4 barrel horses, and I told him that if he didn't have anything nice to say to me, then he shouldn't say anything at all, and that I didn't want his opinions. Since I told him that, he has kept his mouth shut, only slightly giving me a hard time about the horses every now and then.

He really regretted making fun of my ottb who ran the fasted 1D time at an nbha race a few months ago, lol.

Just tell your hubby to mind his own business and only make a horse related comment if its going to be positive [smile]

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I feel your pain. It is hard, but I have just decided not to really talk to my S.O about barrel racing. When I want to talk barrels I just talk to my freinds. I decided men who have never done it know NOTHING about it, yet think that they do. They don't realize how much work it takes to even start clocking at all. I would say 2 seconds off the fast time is AWESOME for your first run!

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Aw, RUN N RATE...something must be in the air because I know how you feel. I decided not to go to my college rodeo in Pendleton because gas would be too expensive and I wasn't going to win the whole rodeo anyways. Plus, there's the barrel races at home this weekend. BUT, I had planned on roping in this 5 Header breakaway roping. Well, I work until 1 in the morning last night. I stay at my boyfriends' apartment that night because I only had 1 class the next day and he lives near campus. So it was cheaper [gas-wise] for me to just stay there and study all night for my midterm the next morning.

So after class I go home and saddle up Hammer and his horse Cadillac so we can rope. Then I get a little frustrated with his horse while we're warming up and he just gets on my case about not getting enough sleep and partying all night and not riding my horse and saying how he'll just sell Hammer so we can pay for my tuition and how he's going to draw me out of the roping. I just turned on my heel and left. I didn't need that. I'm thinking, "hi, my name is Jocelyn and I work 35 hours a week and go to school and ride my horse everyday give me an ****** BREAK!". But I didn't. I just went to work all irritated.

Sorry for writing the novel and hijacking your thread--but I know how you feel. I hope things get better. [Huggy]

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My Dad is the same way, he treats my mom like crap sometimes. He is always saying comments on what we need to do with our horses. I got a new horse last June, we have won some money but not in the 2d or 1d which is where we should be but I gotta get with him, instead of my Dad being supportive he just says that my horse is worth nothing...etc. My mom Loves my horse and I know that if she wants him he has the potential. Hopefully I will find a guy that is nothing like my Dad but for some reason the ones I keep dating are just like him...oops. So I definitely understand what you are going through! [Huggy]

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Aww. Just explain to him that his second guessing you is really upsetting you. That it's rattling your confidence and that you are more than competant and shouldn't have to feel that way. He sounds like a good guy that is just taking you for granted. Shake him up a little bit and make sure that he understands how you feel.

This is another reason that I don't date horsey men. Amoung other things, I don't need (and neither do you) to be second guessed at the one thing that I care about and KNOW I'm good at. My man knows nothing and I intend on keeping it that way [Wink] (who where's the pants NOW, hun?)

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Awww, that stinker! Where's my "someone needs a kick in the pants" graemlin? [Razz]

He's just stressed, helping you out, and people always have their own opinion, isn't that how the saying goes, opinions are like ***holes, everybody has one?! [ROTFL]

Anyway, my hubby gets mad when I go to pay the board rent, he's happy at first, then starts thinking about the financial aspect of it, and starts to get kind of irritated, It's then that I have to remind him that >>>I<<< pay the bills for that horse, NOT him! And I bought her under the circumstances of him having some fantastic job that HE never got, so he has to eat it!

I now have my horse who I love, pay for, and all he can do is sit there and be happy in the same pants he got mad in! [Roll Eyes]

On a side note, when my hubby starts to offer his opinion on the tack I want, or the style of riding I'd like to do, or anything else related to horses, I then have to ask him, "And you have exactly HOW many years in horses, 2 compared to my 20+??" Enough said! [Wink]

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Someone needs a good kick in the rear... Time to have a sit down with your hubby I think.

It's about something YOU enjoy; Something that makes YOU happy. It's not about winning. And as mean as it sounds, it's not about him either.

Whether or not you win, as long as you are happy about it, THAT is what counts. [Wink]

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RNR - first, it sounds like you've got a pretty good guy. It takes a great guy to move into your parents house and help you take care of your mom. I know her disease is not an easy one to deal with.

With the horses - I don't know you personally, but from what I gather on this board, your horses are your passion, and you really strive to learn more about horses/disicplines and you work hard at it. He needs to realize that horses are your passion, and that while you love him and know how much he does for you, making comments like that really hurt and bother you. Tell him that you NEED him to be supportive. I think it's great that he's into horses too (my fiance has no interest in horses, and sometimes I wish he would have at least a little, but I would ask him to keep his negative comments or training comments to himself unless you ask for it. Hang in there!

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I know he is getting frustrated not having a place of his own, I can simpathyze with him on that [Wink] . My Mom is like my shadow and if Dave and I go to town for dinner or lunch on the weekends she pouts but I have to take care of my relationship with him too. I know it can't be easy to live the way we are having to at this time. My dad constantly questions why we put the garden here, the barn there, that type of thing and I feel bad that Dave has been put in that situation so I probably bite my tongue more than I should when he gets to be a bit of an a--. I did let him know he hurt my feelings with the comments and what hurts even more is that he doesn't even realize that it does hurt. He didn't really understand that, so basically right now we have just agreed that the horse thing is mine, I am happy doing it be I place at the bottom of the heap or the top, and the only thing required of him is to at least have the courtesy to ask if we had fun and if we are safe. [Confused]

Don't know what else to do because I do know that I am not giving up my horses, I can't control how much talent I have only how hard I am willing to work and I am not willing to give up an otherwise great relationship because of this one thing that rears it's head occaisionally.

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