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CatNip81

When your husband/wife sleeps over night at a friends house.

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If your husband said to you "I am going over to a friends house, I will be gone for a while. I will just stay the night". How do you react? Do you care?

[ 02-22-2008, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: sweetvelocity ]

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My husband has never done that. But he does every once in awhile stay at his dad's, mom's or brother's and that doesn't bother me.

Would depend on his reason for staying there I guess. If he was staying because he would be drinking and didn't want to drive, that would be fine. If he said he was staying as an alibi, he'd be in big trouble.

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Depends on the friend. His best friend is actually an ex boyfriend of mine. We often go over there and spend the whole night gaming. Sometimes I just can;t handle being gone all night (since the animals insist on staying on a day schedule) and stays over while I stay home. I'd rather have him stay over than drive home overtired and risk an accident. But then again he has never given me any reason to distrust him.

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it just bugs me to no end I guess. I move in to my fiances house a few days ago. We will be getting married in the next few weeks. He comes home and says going to my friends house, I am just gonna stay the night. [shocked] Your gonna what! I guess I will just have to put my concern aside and trust him. He has never done anything to make me not trust him so why not, right.

[ 02-22-2008, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: sweetvelocity ]

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Is he drinking and doesn't have a ride home? Is it a long ways from home? If the answer to the above two questions is yes,, then I see nothing wrong with it...

If the answer is NO then I would think why not just drive home? And then some... [Wink]

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MIne spends the night with his buds almost every Sat night...I have no problem with it..They game till 5 and 6 in the morning. Its his night out and I enjoy my peace the the whole bed hehe...

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Depends on the friend, but it wouldn't really bother me. He may be my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I can control him. He usually only spends the night when he's been drinking and doesn't feel comfortable driving, which I commend him for.

Have you talked this over with your fiance? Maybe he's not aware that his absences have been bugging you. Men can be pretty dense at times, lol.

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Actually, I used to go with him but I just cant do those late nights anymore. Plus I get bored sometimes. So I just quit going and have my own time..Saturdays are MY day after I get off work to do whatever I want and go wherever I want.

We trust each other and I never fret because he calls me and lets me know the plan every time.

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quote:

Originally posted by sweetvelocity:

I am just gonna have to tame my jealous streak
[big Grin]

You are so right...Just don't worry about it... [Wink] Life is to short to sweat the small stuff... [Huggy]

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too bad you arent close lol..I could use more female friends to hang out with. Let the men folk GO! lol

Lots of times I just go sit with the horses or ride alone lol...I like it but I wish I had a freind who was really close to me. All of my good female freinds are an hour or better away...bleh...

[ 02-22-2008, 10:19 PM: Message edited by: Trinity ]

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I think my feelings would be a bit hurt for not being invited.

Maybe he's having pre-wedding jitters and just needs some alone time and had a shltty way of letting you know.

If it bothers you, than it's important and should be brought to light.

Now all that said..

I love my DH dearly, but if he came home and told me that, I'ld give him gas money and send him on his way [Wink]

That is based on trust and a long LONG time together. If he did this after I just moved in and were waiting to get married... I dunno, def. would hurt my feelings..

I guess you just really need to talk to him. This may be something he's always done and before you moved it, it just never was an issue.

Don't be afraid to talk to him. That is what a relationship is based on, communication. [Wink]

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If he tells me he's probably going to be late and will likely stay the night I don't mind.

If he tells me he'll be gone for a couple minutes and doesn't show up till the next morning, that's another story [Wink]

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Every once in a while I go have a slumber party at my friends house.We watch tv,eat out,get in the hot tub,sometimes go to the bar and watch late night tv together.

I have a couch or a bed I sleep in. I stay and do not come home late.

Big deal...

If my husband wanted to do the same.Would sure not bother me any.Oh my and he has.To go hunting early the next morning,went on an out of town trip early and went on a fishing trip.

Big deal he is not doing anything bad.

Guess he and I trust each other just fine.

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Nope, doesn't bother me in the least. It doesn't happen often, but occasionally if the guys are going to be drinking or something. I'd much rather he stay over than drive drunk. That said, Joe would always call me and let me know. Heck, he calls me if he's going to be 30 minutes later than expected, just because he knows I'm a worrier. As long as I know I've got no problem with it.

I've stayed over at girlfriends house's a few times, doing the "slumber party" thing. No biggie.

We trust and respect each other.

Joe is only here on weekends - he has a 6 hour commute. Last week, my ex husband came over to visit and so we could discuss some things. We are still friends and he and Joe know and like each other. My ex ended up spending the night, as he had a long way to go home and it was getting really late when we finished up talking. I told Joe the next day. He had no problem with it.

His ex wife has stayed over at his place up North under the same type of circumstances. Didn't both me a bit. I told him to tell her hi! [smiley Wavey]

It's a trust thing.

[ 02-23-2008, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: ExtraHannah ]

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For me it depends on why he would be staying and where.

I would be upset either way, but depending on who and why it would determine the amount of upsetness I guess you could say.

I completely trust anyone I am with. If I didnt I wouldnt be with them. Who I dont trust are other women. I trust him to not make a move on another woman or anything but I do not trust another woman to not make a move on him.

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quote:

Originally posted by sweetvelocity:

I am just gonna have to tame my jealous streak
[big Grin]

Yup you better, or you're going to have a rocky road ahead of you.

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Look, it really doesn't matter if it bothers the rest of us or not. If it bothers you, you need to chat w/ him and work it out. No sense worrying over something when you could just have a convo and be fine.

I can imagine that it might bother people for different reasons. Like....maybe they don't want to be stuck home alone (like you just moved in). Or, maybe the people they're hanging out with are a bit unsavory or known for poor behavior. I don't like the idea of putting myself in a position where my integrity can be called into question.

But....on the flip side, I spend the night at Phurgus's once in awhile. Just too late, don't like driving home late. (i'm a terrible night driver--can't see a danged thing)

And, at certain hours of the night, you're more likely to get pulled over--even if you HAVEN'T been drinking (bar time)--so why take the risk?

So I dunno. My ex used to spend the night with a bunch of his single guy friends after they'd go party. Never really bothered me. But I was happier knowing he was safe--and he didn't have to feel bad about waking me up for a ride.

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Shoot my hubby has a good friend that lives on FL right now he has come up here ans stayed without his wife. She had to work, but she WAS invited. Hubby also went down there for a three or four day weekend. HA I think they actually just spent like two hours on the phone the other night. They can be worse the two girls when they get together but the buddy is cool. The wife and I are not buddy buddy but we get along with no problems. we do even have two or three female friends that he could crash at their houses no problem too. If it makes you uncomfortable talk about it, before it comes up. Not when he is about to walk out the door to go to his friend house, over dinner mid week or after a back message or something nice and NON- threatening. [Wink]

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quote:

He comes home and says going to my friends house, I am just gonna stay the night. Your gonna what! I guess I will just have to put my concern aside and trust him. He has never done anything to make me not trust him so why not, right.


......have you mentioned whether this is a male or female freind......?

If it's female.....well....I totally think it's crap.

If it's male.....all I can say is that he trusts you enough for you to have a male friend ....soooooooo.....

But - I hear you.....I guess I "get it" about staying at someone's house out of town overnight....but in town fifteen minutes away and not drinking?

Guess it would depend on the rest of the story and how often it happened.

CR

[ 02-24-2008, 09:23 AM: Message edited by: Cactus Rose ]

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I think it's a stage of life thing; when you're young, no kids, still in the partying mode, and as long as it's all above board, etc., no problem.

If you have young kids, it might be OK once in awhile, as long as reciprocity is observed, but there's a thing called growing up that has to be addressed. Man, it's tough if your SO is out all night, and then we all know they're going to be a write off the next day, too.

That means the one left at home with the kids carries a big burden; there's also a big chunk of down time for the partier which means grown up chores and errands might be neglected. To me, there's also the issue of money; it's not always an inexpensive proposition to spend a night drinking with the buddies.

As I said, once in a while, we all need a good blow out with our same gender (that same gender clause is kind of important, I think) friends, but

the frequency would have to be carefully considered.

As a final note, if you have to come on to a BB to ask if you should be bothered by this, chances are, you are bothered by it. A heart to heart should be taking place between you and your partner.

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OK. My husband went out of town to 2 day fishing tournaments with a girl friend of ours. NOT a problem. [big Grin]

BUT ... your fiance spends the night at his friend's, where you are't invited, just 15 minutes away?

I mean, what is up with that??? If nothing else, most men dig their own beds and BATHROOMS too much for a regular sleepover 15 minutes away at a boyfriends.

I'm a long way from being a jealous person ... but I'd be upset if he didn't have some valid, if obscure, reason.

[ 02-24-2008, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: quarterflash ]

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If (hypothetically speaking), he's spending the night a girl friends place, I'd say neither of you are ready for marriage just yet. If it's a guy friend, married or not, and it bothers you this much, I'd say you're not ready for marriage just yet. I think you have some insecurities that need to be addressed before you commit yourself to marriage.

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quote:

mean, what is up with that??? If nothing else, most men dig their own beds and BATHROOMS too much for a regular sleepover 15 minutes away at a boyfriends.


I agree. My husband said that is "odd" But...we have been married a long time and the house would seem a bit empty.

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