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Oh Boy...

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This is weird. I was so superduper crazy about him like...just last week. Now all of a sudden, I don't really feel it anymore. I had a dream on Saturday night about him and it basically was about all of things I don't like but have completely overlooked about him. Now that I've come to realize them, that *spark* isn't really there anymore. It's like...I don't see him the same way.

I really love being with him and I know that if we were to break up and he got another girlfriend it would hurt really bad. It's just...I don't really know. I talked to my best friend about it and she also noticed that there's not really that *spark* between me and him anymore. She said we seem more like friends than anything else.

I just don't know what to do. Maybe it's because we've not been together a lot lately. That could be why I'm feeling like this. It's just...do I just like the idea of being with him or do I really enjoy being with him? I'm so lost. I know that if I were to break up with him, we wouldn't be friends and I wouldn't have that chance to get him back. I don't want to lose him. That's one thing I can't handle. It's just...I don't know. Help me.

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I have a question or two because I'm not "in the know" about your current relationship.

how long have you guys been together?

how long were you guys friends before getting together?

Edited by xcanchaserchicx

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How long have you two been going out?

In the beginning of my relationship, I'd occasionally get this distinguished feeling. Which bothered me because I was used to having that crazed feeling for my guy. In 110% honesty, it was a hormonal thing because I started noticing a trend with timing and such. So, keep in mind that could perhaps contribute to what you're feeling. However, a friend weighing in on the situation as an outsider does add more info...so it's very possible that spark just isn't there.

Maybe talk to him, ask if he thinks things have felt off. Communication is always good. Taking time to look at yourself and perhaps getting to know yourself better may benefit the situation - as well as everything else, essentially.

It's hard to offer advice...the situation just really has to be felt out. Set aside some time and just be quiet, think things through.

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Aerial - I've had two boyfriends all year. That doesn't seem like a lot to me.

Canchaser - We've been together for two months, but before we had gone out for a month. We weren't really friends the first time but this time we were best friends before going out again.

Schatzl - Thanks for the advice. Perhaps I will ask him what he thinks.

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Well...it sounds like you two need to take a step back and become really good friends before having a relationship. That is important....very important really. Because if the 'spark' is gone after two months that's not really too good, how are you guys going to make it 'longer term' if after two months you feel its no longer there?

Then again, if you are only 13, I would seriously step away from having 'boyfriends' and just have male friends and deal with horses. I had my first serious relationship when I was 18, that lastest for four years. A horrible four years but now that I'm dating another guy, I'm taking the precausions of becoming very good friends before any type of relationship committment comes along.

Just my advice...then again, I'm 22.

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i sounded like a jerk. but hey. what's new.

the fact is, at 13 you're going to have "boyfriends". in the sense that you guys are "dating" which essentially means you hold hands when you see each other and occasionally kiss or even GASP make out. your parents have to drive you places or you have to hang out at home. there's not a lot that two middle schoolers can do that encompasses "dating".

sure you like one another, but face it, you're not having a relationship. most honest-to-god relationships won't hit until people are in college or even afterwards [and then you have the oddballs that get married right out of high school and make it...go figure].

but really, you shouldn't focus on it so much. at 13 your feelings and emotions change SO much just from day to day that you could be completely infatuated with someone one day [and that's what it is...infatuation] and completely hate their guts the next day. that's what middle school and jr. high are all about and that's okay.

it freaks me out to see these tweens and young teenagers that have "serious boyfriends" in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade...it's kind of funny.

and i'll admit, i had a "boyfriend" in 8th grade for most of the year....i'll also admit that we were both IDIOTS...he wouldn't even talk to me in public! [and that's when i broke into the high school guys....but we don't need to go there...terrible times...]

but anyways. the point of the novel. don't worry about your "boyfriend". worry about YOU and who YOU are as a person and who YOU want to be.

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i sounded like a jerk. but hey. what's new.

the fact is, at 13 you're going to have "boyfriends". in the sense that you guys are "dating" which essentially means you hold hands when you see each other and occasionally kiss or even GASP make out. your parents have to drive you places or you have to hang out at home. there's not a lot that two middle schoolers can do that encompasses "dating".

sure you like one another, but face it, you're not having a relationship. most honest-to-god relationships won't hit until people are in college or even afterwards [and then you have the oddballs that get married right out of high school and make it...go figure].

but really, you shouldn't focus on it so much. at 13 your feelings and emotions change SO much just from day to day that you could be completely infatuated with someone one day [and that's what it is...infatuation] and completely hate their guts the next day. that's what middle school and jr. high are all about and that's okay.

it freaks me out to see these tweens and young teenagers that have "serious boyfriends" in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade...it's kind of funny.

and i'll admit, i had a "boyfriend" in 8th grade for most of the year....i'll also admit that we were both IDIOTS...he wouldn't even talk to me in public! [and that's when i broke into the high school guys....but we don't need to go there...terrible times...]

but anyways. the point of the novel. don't worry about your "boyfriend". worry about YOU and who YOU are as a person and who YOU want to be.

[Not Worthy]

You're young, don't worry yourself to death over boys just yet. You have plenty of time for that in the future. LOL!

Edited by The Farmall 706

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No JC...you dont sound like a jerk at all. I seriously have to agree with you on what you said. It too makes my jaw drop when I hear the younger crowd claiming boyfriend/girlfriend. Kids are no longer kids today! What happened to not being able to date until 16??

ETA: at the rate things are going when I have kids, their dating age will probably end up being 18 or 20. Hahahahahh

Edited by xcanchaserchicx

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i sounded like a jerk. but hey. what's new.

the fact is, at 13 you're going to have "boyfriends". in the sense that you guys are "dating" which essentially means you hold hands when you see each other and occasionally kiss or even GASP make out. your parents have to drive you places or you have to hang out at home. there's not a lot that two middle schoolers can do that encompasses "dating".

sure you like one another, but face it, you're not having a relationship. most honest-to-god relationships won't hit until people are in college or even afterwards [and then you have the oddballs that get married right out of high school and make it...go figure].

but really, you shouldn't focus on it so much. at 13 your feelings and emotions change SO much just from day to day that you could be completely infatuated with someone one day [and that's what it is...infatuation] and completely hate their guts the next day. that's what middle school and jr. high are all about and that's okay.

it freaks me out to see these tweens and young teenagers that have "serious boyfriends" in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade...it's kind of funny.

and i'll admit, i had a "boyfriend" in 8th grade for most of the year....i'll also admit that we were both IDIOTS...he wouldn't even talk to me in public! [and that's when i broke into the high school guys....but we don't need to go there...terrible times...]

but anyways. the point of the novel. don't worry about your "boyfriend". worry about YOU and who YOU are as a person and who YOU want to be.

[Not Worthy] I completely agree! I will always remember something a preacher at my school told us, he said, "He date, a potential mate." So, unless you are planning on getting married within the next year there REALLY isn't a real reason for you to start dating at age thirteen...

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So, unless you are planning on getting married within the next year there REALLY isn't a real reason for you to start dating at age thirteen...

I must respectfully disagree.

I don't think that "dating" should just be to find a potential mate. When you're Maddy's age, it serves many purposes other than potentially finding a lifetime mate. Dating allows you to "try on" many different people to see what you do and don't want in a partner. It lets you find out some things about yourself and it helps you to learn how to conduct yourself in a relationship. It teaches you how to relate to another person, how to compromise, and the basic mechanisms of a relationship, all of these in a romantic as opposed to platonic setting. Perhaps most of all, it teaches you about what it means to really care for another person and it teaches you that when your heart is broken, you're strong enough to pick back up and carry on. Once you are old enough to have a "real" relationship, you've already got the basics down.

That being said, Maddy, you HAVE only been with this boy 2 months. If the relationship is starting to fizzle, then it probably isn't going to re-spark. There will be SO many other boys you'll meet in the next few years. No reason to stay in a relationship you aren't completely happy in. You both deserve more than that. If you guys can't sit down and have a serious, frank, and honest talk, then chances are there isn't that much there anyway, you know? I'm comparing this to Cherie and I, who have been together for more than 2 1/2 years, and our spark started to fizzle a bit in the last couple of months. We were able to have several honest and open discussions about it where we laid all options out on the table. Breaking up, taking a break, staying together. We chose the latter, and we KNEW it was what we both wanted because we'd discussed every other option thoroughly. And because we made that decision together, we're completely committed to being better to each other and working hard on the relationship. We BOTH are 100% committed. Plus, we have a LOT invested in this relationship--besides all the time, we share friends, have become members of each others' families, and we live together the majority of the time. If you've only been with someone for 2 months, chances are there's not that much invested in it, and it's not worth staying in the relationship if you're at all unhappy.

But of course it's going to hurt. Bad. Just take comfort in the fact that you tried your best, there are no "what ifs." You can take what you learned from this relationship into your future ones. Hopefully you learned a little about yourself, a little about what you did like about him and a little about what you didn't. But regardless, you're a little stronger, a little thicker-skinned, and a little wiser for having been in the relationship. And for that, it was all worth it.

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i sounded like a jerk. but hey. what's new.

the fact is, at 13 you're going to have "boyfriends". in the sense that you guys are "dating" which essentially means you hold hands when you see each other and occasionally kiss or even GASP make out. your parents have to drive you places or you have to hang out at home. there's not a lot that two middle schoolers can do that encompasses "dating".

sure you like one another, but face it, you're not having a relationship. most honest-to-god relationships won't hit until people are in college or even afterwards [and then you have the oddballs that get married right out of high school and make it...go figure].

but really, you shouldn't focus on it so much. at 13 your feelings and emotions change SO much just from day to day that you could be completely infatuated with someone one day [and that's what it is...infatuation] and completely hate their guts the next day. that's what middle school and jr. high are all about and that's okay.

it freaks me out to see these tweens and young teenagers that have "serious boyfriends" in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade...it's kind of funny.

and i'll admit, i had a "boyfriend" in 8th grade for most of the year....i'll also admit that we were both IDIOTS...he wouldn't even talk to me in public! [and that's when i broke into the high school guys....but we don't need to go there...terrible times...]

but anyways. the point of the novel. don't worry about your "boyfriend". worry about YOU and who YOU are as a person and who YOU want to be.

[Not Worthy] I agrea. I have a friend who is 12 and she has a friend who is 11 and both have "boyfriends". I am 15 and STILL don't date. Just don't want to. The 11 year old's "BF" is actually one of the clingy guys that won't stop calling and stuff and I was like "girl, break up with him.. that is stupid.. even at MY age I can't stand that."

This is crazyness!!

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I'm just going to agree with everyone here.

But uh, two boyfriends in one year. It's March. We've got a lot of year left.

Unless you're talking school year, in which case, never mind.

That being said, I'm 16. I've never had boyfriend.

I have a LOT of guy friends though.

Sure I've liked guys. And yeah, guys have liked me.

But why risk a friendship? Especially when it's so unnecessary?

I don't feel the need to rush into anything. I don't NEED a boyfriend to be happy.

Yeah, sometimes I wish I had someone "special," but I figure that'll come with time. I'll find someone that I really like and it'll work.

Blah. I hope that made at least some sense. It's late and I'm drained.

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I'm so out of the bloody loop. You're 13?

Then, diplomatically, I see the other points made...13 is rather young to be worried about relationships. At that age (and I'm sure many others. Though it didn't seem as though this happened at the time) I changed emotions at the drop off a hat. Flipping out emotions really aren't good for relationships, either.

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Keiko i think she was saying a school year. Maddy i apologize, i just remember a few posts where it was this guy one week, this guy the next, this guy was a player so you dumped him, etc. I was skimming those though, so i probably majorly missed something.

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You're thirteen years old.

THIRTEEN.

Stop acting like you're choosing a life partner.

Harsh as it sounds, I totally agree. I SO wish someone had said this to me when I was younger.

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I agree with JC. I think that obsessing over every slight change in the relationship isn't going to lead to healthy relationships down the road and frankly, I wouldn't be having a relationship at your age. Particularly in the early teenage years your hormones are rapidly changing and your mind, your attitude and your friendships change on a daily basis.

Its nice and all that you have a boyfriend, but frankly, JC is right. Now is the time to focus on yourself, discover what your values and interests and morals are. Its time for you focus on building your own identity before trying to create a serious relationship.

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Once you hit high school, life changes. It's weird to think about but I promise you that next year [are you in 7th or 8th grade now?] or whatever your freshman year will be, you're not going to be the same person that you are right now. I also promise you that you're going to look back and wished you hadn't wasted valuable time obsessing over a boy at this point in life...everyone goes through it! It's like a rite of passage.

Once you're older and you've had time to yourself as the "new you" and you really know who you are and what you want...you realize that you're ready to start the adventure into dating. Don't rush things. It's a fun process, it's a crappy process, it's a painful process, it's a rewarding process...but it doesn't need to happen all at once.

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Yeah, I meant school year. And yes I am 14. I don't think that dating at this age is a problem. I'm also not the only girl in school with a boyfriend. Everyone here has a boyfriend. We do lots of things together and I don't consider dating to be any more than going out places and kissing, I don't believe that "certain things" should be included until you are going to get married. Beyond kissing, what else is there before you take that step?

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Beyond kissing, what else is there before you take that step?

LOTS of things, kiddo.

Trust.

Communication.

Compassion.

Compromise.

Respect.

Maturity.

Self-Control.

Patience.

Forgiveness.

SELF-Respect.

A TRUE knowledge of who you are.

Selflessness.

And the list goes on. There's a lot of stuff that goes on between the initial going places/holding hands/kissing stage and the taking "that step" and marriage stage. LOTS of stuff. And from the description you gave in your OP about you and your boyfriend's relationship, neither of you are ready to move beyond the going places/holding hands/kissings stage. And that's why I think you two should do each other a solid and move on.

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That's what I'm trying to tell you! There's more to having a realtionship than going places and kissing! So much more that at 14 you don't, can't, and won't understand...it's just a fact of life!

I don't think anyone said it's too young to have a "boyfriend", but to put so much thought and obsessive-ness into it? There's no need to stress yourself out so young! You're going to develop crushes on different boys everyday, why "tie yourself down" at 14?

One day you'll understand what people are trying to tell you here, which sounds annoying I KNOW, but a lot of us have been there done that and know what we're talking about....at almost 18 I could kick myself for the "boyfriends" I had at 13 and 14...it's not worth the pain and trouble at that young of an age.

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The same thing happened to me last year. After like a month of being inseparable it was like a pop that lost its fizz. We just didn't care anymore. I wound up breaking up with him at that moment and moving onto someone that I did feel butterflies with. I don't know why that suddenly happened but hey!...we're young and these things just happen. Plenty of other people that can make you feel the happiness you lost..

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i agree with caitlin. maddy is 14, my age. I don't think its too early to start dating. 11 and 12 are young. but 14 ehh no.

haha I remember my 1st grade "boyfriend". So hilarious how we had fake weddings on the playground during recess. Lots of fun when your only like 6 and 7.

14 is definitely not too young IMO. I am 15 and have had some serious(not to serious but pretty good) relationships before. I just don't get so emotionally attached to them as most people do which I find a good thing right now and also a bad thing. There isn't a right or wrong age to dating. You just have to be able to handle it mentally and those who can't, find out sooner or later.

And I promise you Maddy, coming from a freshman in HS, it is a hundred times different then middle school and so many more people to meet!

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ahahahahahaha at 13, I don't even think boys like girls

And trust me Luckie Duck, your ideas of "what is acceptable" before marriage is going to change in about 2 years...just a heads up.

I'm 21 and I still think boys have cooties. Seriously they do. My boyfriend has them!!!

Edited by Rhaemond

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I'm going to agree with everyone else here. Especially Caitlin(I love the way you explain things! lol). I too think that you should move on and not stress too much about his.

Though I really shouldn't be talking...I'm one of those oddballs who's been with the same guy since freshman year and still happy..go figure [Crazy]

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A little update. My best friend and I launched a top secret mission and she talked to him for me so all is well. He's putting more effort into this and I'm starting to feel that way again. I think Schatzl was right, it was just a hormonal thing. Me and boy got into a little tiff today but we talked it out and now things are good.

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