BarrelBlondie22

The "circle Of Trust" Pt. Ii

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Where did yall order your invitations from? I just ordered some samples from Minted and WeddingPaperDivas, but I haven't seen anything that I really love yet.

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I bought mine at Hobby Lobby and printed them myself. I wanted to stay affordable and they really were. I got many compliments.

Keep trudging along ladies, it'll all come together.

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Mine came off of Etsy from... Switzerland lol.

They were NOT affordable and the person barely spoke English so I am surprised they came out as good as they did.

Wedding things are moving along. There are good days and bad. Obviously that day up there was a bad one lol.

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I got my invites from Wedding paper divas. I liked them and they were relatively easy. I did a pretty simple design because I didn't want anything fancy and I liked how they turned out. People don't really remember invites anyway unless they're really ugly or really extravagant. haha

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I got my invites from Wedding paper divas. I liked them and they were relatively easy. I did a pretty simple design because I didn't want anything fancy and I liked how they turned out. People don't really remember invites anyway unless they're really ugly or really extravagant. haha

That's where I ordered my samples from and I LOVE them. BUT they are so expensive!! The biggest coupon I can find is 15% off.

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So, I have an issue.

My Maid of Honor is my close friend Hannah. I asked Hannah if she was up for the responsibilities of the title when I asked her to be my MOH. Oh yes!

I have asked Hannah for help on several occasions. I even go out of my way to try and plan things on her days off so that she can go with me to do things, but she always tells me that it's not in her schedule to go do these things. I have made sure all of the shops I go to are close distance for her to drive so she can meet me, but she won't come. Out of all the wedding planning so far, the only thing she has done has been to go to a bridal show with me last January (also last time I saw her.) The only thing she is worried about is what she is going to wear. I texted her yesterday needing some wedding advice and all she replied was "sounds good."

I love her to death, but she is stressing me out more than helping her. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't think I can go on with her being my MOH and I don't know how to handle the subject.

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I ordered our invitations, save the dates and such from Vistaprint. Absolutely love them.

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I'd just politely tell her that you are wanting more from your maid of honor than she is giving you and she can either step up or step down. If she is too busy she should understand.

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Does anybody else ever get sad that "the chase" is over/Miss the beginning of the relationship when everything was new and unsure and nerve wracking and exciting?

I am totally still happy with him, and stuff. But once in a while I got back and read all the stuff that I posted on here when we first started hanging out. And I miss that feeling of my heart jumping every time he texts me because I'm just now realizing/discovering/learning/confirming that he really likes me or wants to date me or loves me or whatever new thing was new at the time.

I know that a pretty common piece of advice for keeping relationships strong is to never stop flirting with each other/courting each other - or just don't stop acting how you did when you were first getting together. So I'm trying to come up with ways to do this - what does this look like? It will vary for different people and different relationships, but what comes to mind that you guys would keep doing or start doing again in order to keep your relationship the same way it was when you first started hanging out?

I know that I have to be a big part of this too, but because thinking is hard, I have trouble coming up with how *I* have to change to make this happen. Whenever I try to think of ways our relationship is different or how we act differently, I always think of ways that *he* has changed - doesn't text me as much, isn't as sweet when he does it (to him, texting is more of a utilitarian tool; when we were first together, it was a method of flirting, but now it's returned to a simple tool. so it's not that he's being MEAN to me or anything in texting, he's just plain and boring about it); the sweet comments he would make about how much he likes spending time with me, how I'm the reason he gets up in the morning, etc etc; Just a lot of standard "courting" behaviors...he courted the heck out of me, and I miss it! But, that said, I know that the only reason I can come up with a long list of his changes in behavior and can't think of how my behavior changed is because I was experiencing the benefits of his behaviors but not the benefits of mine, so my behaviors are less memorable to me. I'm sure he could point out ways I behave differently in our relationship now.

I feel like one catalyst for this deterioration of the "honeymoon stage," as I suppose you could call it, is starting to use the phrase "I love you." Obviously it's great to use that phrase, and it's super exciting at first, but as I list the sweet things he used to say to me before we would say "I love you" I start mentally defending him, thinking - but it's not like he's not sweet to me now, or anything - he'll tell me he loves me and such! Maybe before the phrase "I love you" comes into play, there's more of a need to find other ways to express this pent-up, ever-building affection; this is why we get all silly-cheesy-goofy-lovey and say all kinds of things like "you're the reason I get up in the morning" and such...then, when we finally start saying "I love you" and have an easier way to express those feelings, the pent-up affection subsides as we more easily are able to express it and we kinda get lazy, defaulting to "I love you" instead of more creative, romantic ways of saying it.

...am I making sense? haha! I should definitely stop rambling...

So, in summary, and the points I'd love to get some input on:

How do you continue acting like you did at the beginning of the relationship/keep flirting and courting each other?

Does saying I love you "Kill the Mood" in a relationship/contribute to the death of that courting/honeymoon period, and, if so, can you recover from that? How?

on a less rambly/philosophical/etc note...we are actually doing quite well. It's been a really busy and tiring few months but we're starting to get better at finding a balance of chores and work and recreation and such. Life is good. I just wonder if it could be better. :P

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I definitely find myself feeling the same way. I always point out that I miss when we would try to 'impress each other' and that I strongly feel that, that should never fade even with your relationship and yourselves change. I found it really does work to still give you that warm fuzzy feeling even after dating for a significant amount of time. It's not the same feeling as when you are first getting to know them and they are texting you cute things or saying them or even acting extra sweet. However it does still give you a deeper warm fuzzy feeling when say they bring you your favourite drink to work randomly or they do your chore for you without being asked etc. I know that after 3 years we shouldn't still act as if we just started dating or view each other the same way but so long as we still keep trying to impress each other I find that it just helps that spark in the relationship stay alive.

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Ugh.

I think i'm just being a girl/being unreasonable. but sometimes I get frustrated/sad.

Today Jeremiah spent all day at his friend's house. He went over there to help work on friend's car, and then friend had to stop working on car to make food for friends who were coming over, so he stayed for dinner and then hung out with group of friends. Just got home (just before midnight).

Hes complaining cause he's getting up early tomorrow to go hiking with same friend before they get back to work on car.

So there's one weekend down the drain.

Next weekend he wants to go down to Astoria with a couple friends to finish working on his car trailer so he can haul it home. He thought I was going to be staying home with the dog.

Weekend after next he's going to giant car show over on the other side of the state with friend (same friend from today) and friend's friends. It's a guy thing - I knew I wasn't going to be invited to this one; the guys get a cabin and do guy things all weekend.

So it's fine that i'm not invited that time. I've known all year he'd be going to that, without me, and that's fine.

but I feel left out/unneeded/unmissed/disposable. He doesn't even notice or care that this means we won't get to see each other at all three weekends in a row.

I'm not upset that he's doing things without me. And i know there are people whose significant others don't even live in the same town or maybe their jobs make them never available or this or that or whatever. But in this case he DECIDED to do this today, without me, and that tomorrow, without me, and leave town the next two weekends...without me. I'm perfectly capable of doing things without him and I'm fine with that and stuff but when I haven't seen him much and I'm doing something that he could be at too I feel the desire to invite him along. I like hanging out with him once in a while, ya know? And this kinda made me feel like he doesn't care if he never hangs out with me. And when I pointed that out to him, he was like "I'm here right now!" Um, dude, it's midnight and you're playing a single-player video game. FUN. I mean, I even enjoy watching him play video games, typically. But I think we know that's not what I mean by hanging out with him.

Ugh. And now he's pissed cause he doesn't understand. And he's like "well yeah, you can come with to astoria next weekend." but now it's just cause I brought it up, so I won't actually FEEL welcome the whole time. And it does make sense when he points out his point of view, saying "well it's me and <friend> and <friend> going down there to work on the trailer, and we'll be working on the trailer the whole time, not sightseeing or anything, and I figured you'd just be bored." But...what's the difference between sitting on the couch there vs. sitting on the couch here? the part where I at least get to see him at the end of the day. But apparently even that little bit doesn't matter to him? Maybe he just doesn't realize I literally DON"T have a life outside of him and work? Maybe that makes it my fault/at least not his fault?

UGH.

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I went through the same thing a couple years ago(for at least a year). It just FINALLY got better a year ago. While Jeff worked for the bike shop he was close with the other mechanic and they always hung out. Which was fine, until he started ditching me 90% of the time and we never saw each other. To be honest, if we weren't living together at the time, we would have likely been over, given the situation was the same. It was awful, I cried to my mom a lot and I had this deep need to move back home. I was in college at the time and stressed but I tried to not let my stress get taken out on him but sometimes I slipped and would get snippy at him, even though it wasn't intentional.

I always felt like I was doing something wrong to make him never want to be with me. I talked to him about it numerous times and it would get better then go back to how it was because HE wouldn't talk to me. He'd always apologize and take me out on a date but the root of the problem never got solved because he wouldn't talk about things like that with me, maybe he just couldn't. To this day I still don't know the true root of the problem, but we got through that rough patch and haven't had the issue since he got a different job(that company sold out) and I graduated.

Things picked up BIG time, I had a full time job so money was better, I graduated so I had no school and little stress and he had a job where he couldn't spend all night and weekend at the shop and although one of his best friends works with him still, he is home 90% of the nights and home on weekends. We still get our alone time which is needed in a relationship but what makes it completely better is we finally hit a milestone in our relationship where he decided he could talk to me. Seriously, people always say communication is key and it's true but they don't explain how to deal with a partner who CAN'T/WON'T talk and how to get through it.

I don't even know how I finally got him to but I did, maybe my constant bringing it up and my emotions finally cracked him, I don't know, I don't care but it made everything easier. During our 'dark' time i'll call it. We never really cuddled at night, now he cuddles with me pretty much all night except when it's hot out, but that's understandable because I don't even want to be near him when its hot lol. During that 'dark' time it wasn't like it was always bad, there was obviously enough good for us both to keep trying and keep loving each other.

So in short, I totally know how you feel with feeling left out/unneeded/unmissed/disposable. Maybe he's like Jeff and there's something bugging him and he's just afraid to share it. (Doesn't mean it's anything serious!) It just means you need to talk to him. Actually talk to him. My problem didn't start getting better till he realized on his own that what he was doing was wrecking our relationship and hurting me. I remember the day clearly cause I was talking to my mom over the computer and just bawling my eyes out because I was sick of feeling that way. He came home and saw me and I told him once again the reason and I could see it in his eyes that it finally sunk in. I hope your problem doesn't get to that extent, I wish mine didn't and although it made us stronger, your relationship can get stronger in different ways. My problem taught me that I need to stand up and make my point get through to him, say exactly how I feel and not worry if how I feel pushes him away or pulls him closer because if it's going to push him away it's his problem, not mine. If I say how I feel and make that effort to communicate and repair a problem then i've done my part. It taught him that he needs to open up and talk about things. Both of us learning this, helped big time. Our relationship is not perfect, it never will be but I don't feel left out/unneeded/unmissed/disposable. Sometimes things slip and I will feel that way once in awhile but it's few and far between.

Anyway, good luck! I'm always a facebook message away if you need to vent/talk. Men suck, it just happens sometimes :)

Edited by Indestructible

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25 days left for me!

I am actually calm as a cucumber.

Everything is finished. Everyone is paid.

I just have to drive my happy butt 22 hours home and 22 hours back with 2 dogs and a husband.

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25 days left for me!

I am actually calm as a cucumber.

Everything is finished. Everyone is paid.

I just have to drive my happy butt 22 hours home and 22 hours back with 2 dogs and a husband.

I would probably be calm if I didn't have quite so much going on. We are remodeling and have run into some problems (like a leak in the bathroom that lead to us tearing out all the sheet rock and replacing basically everything in the bathroom.) Plus I have no help planning this wedding because my mom says it's "too much stress." and my maid of honor is MIA most of the time. I haven't ordered my band yet, my flowers, have to decide what desserts to serve because we are doing non-traditional..still need to decide on more decorations. It's just too much.

AND I just started a new job plus am interviewing for a Government job so yeah..super stressed right now.

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Thanks for the input, Stevie and Hannah! I really appreciate the advice. We talked about it a bit, and ultimately a great deal of it was misunderstanding, and we both felt a lot better afterwards.

On another note, Last week his boss informed him that the company will be moving to Whidbey Island (3.5ish hours away) in about a year.

UUUUUH...

He LOVES his job. He bought a house a year ago because he could afford it because of this job. He doesn't love our town, but he does have family here, as do I.

BUT if he goes with the company he will be getting a very large raise. And in the (not very far away) future, he will be slowly taking over his boss's position as his boss eases out of his position and retires.

So it's a pretty big career opportunity for him. But he really doesn't want to move.

Although it occurs to both of us that it wouldn't be all bad. He is a human furnace and doesn't do well in warm weather - he grew up in a marine climate and would be much more comfortable back in one instead of in a town where we get a lot of 100+ degree days during the summer. It would be cool to live on an island, near the beach - I COULD GET A BOAT, GUYS. I love boats. And although it would be difficult to pick up my career in a strange town, since real estate is driven majorly by referrals that often come from family, friends, people you know, etc...there are currently two real estate offices actually advertising on craigslist that they're looking for new agents - and those are just the ones advertising in. For example, my office always is but we don't put ads out. So even if, for some reason, the John L Scott offices on Whidbey Island couldn't take me, I don't foresee having any issues getting into an office.

But we need to go actually visit this place first, before we decide if we want to live there. So in the next month or so we are going to take a weekend trip up to the island and poke around and see what it;s like, and then we'll go from there as far as whether we even want to consider moving there.

On a related note, we were chatting about this on our way to Astoria the other night and he was like "wouldn't it be strange for you to move across the state with me when we're only dating?" so I was like well...i don't know, but if it would be that gives us three options - don't invite me, don't care that it's weird and do it anyways, or do something about it to make it not weird! lol. AND THEN later I was saying something about the potential move that took into consideration what would happen if we did get married at some point in the future. So I was like "blah blah blah IF...and only IF...blah blah blah" like usual, cause he always gets silly if I imply we might. But then he was basically like "why are we still saying "if?" We both know that's silly."

so basically he said that we're eventually going to get married. AWWWWWWW, guys! Also, since I'm required to over think this, it occurs to me that, if he thinks it would be weird to move across the state together when we're "just dating," but he acknowledges that we'll eventually get married...maybe he's constructing a timeline for himself? Maybe, assuming we did decide to move, there would be a ring involved beforehand? :)

haha...like I said...overthinking. Oh well, though. It's fun.

And I'm happy.

:)

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I wish Jeff would give himself a timeline. We've been dating 3 years as of June, we've known we want to and plan to get married sooner than later but "sooner than later" isn't exactly a time frame. My biggest issue with it, is he says the only reason is money. Well, he scrapes money together for things he wants like fixing toys and his truck, he sold his truck and bought a cheaper one to get rid of the payments and he had the option to get a cheaper one than what he bought and have a couple grand extra but he bought almost at the top of his budget and has used the remainder to fix the little things it needs. The only reason I kinda want to press it a little sooner is A) I want our lives to move forward, I feel very stuck in a rut and like we're going no where. If we know each other is the one, why put it off.. and B) I really want my grandma there, bad. She has always been my second mom and we're close. She is on borrowed time right now with her heart issues and just happened to go to the ER last night because of it. Which, she's fine thank god but it's just an uncomfortable reminder.

I'm just bummed out :(

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Stevie, I would sit down and have a talk with him about it. It doesn't really sound like he has his priorities in line and wants to just play around more before he settles down, but you definitely need to talk to him about wanting your grandmother there. That's important.

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I agree, I just need to find a way to mention it without coming across as bugging him for a ring. I told him today about her ER trip and how it was an uncomfortable reminder of her borrowed time but he didn't say anything. All his friends mention to him how he needs to propose and how he's next in line but I just worry that he will keep putting it off till it's too late.

Edited by Indestructible

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I definitely agree that bringing up your grandmother would be a fair reason to push the issue. Be clear that you don't want to be begging for a ring or anything, but simply say that it's very very important to you that your grandmother be able to attend your wedding and that the timeline for that is running out quickly. Try to find a time to sit him down and just have a brief conversation about this just so he understands how important it is to you.

That said, I'm the worst at having that type of conversation with my guy. So I'm one to talk...haha

Good luck, though. If it makes you feel better, I REALLY doubt that jeremiah ACTUALLY has a timeline. This is more of just wishful thinking. Haha

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Don't think of it as begging for a ring, because you aren't... You're not out every weekend, dragging him to every store that has something that looks like an engagement ring. You honestly, deep down, want to be married to him and you just want to make sure that your grandmother is there. The ring is just an added bonus. :grin:

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I actually brought it up last night because it was starting to bug me the more I thought about it. The conversation started with talking about getting things done that we were procrastinating on and I mentioned how we need to do house stuff and life stuff. Then I changed the subject slightly and said..

"I really hope my grandmas heart keeps doing somewhat good"

He said "mhm!" in a happy, agreeing tone then I said "I really need her to be at our wedding" then he said "well in sure she still has a few good years left in her" and I just said "you never know for sure, she has pulled off four years after only being given one day at best"

So I hope he didn't mean we'll get married within a few years but rather said that because she is Hungarian and has an emense will to live and will be here even after we get married lol I'm hoping for the second option.

I've never actually took him into a jewlery store, he's taken me in them and we've sorta looked and he asked me to show him what the cut I want looks like. So he does get points for that, last week we looked at Costcos rings simply cause we saw a super expensive one last time we were in Montana and the only princess cut there was 8,000. I went with my friend to the mall and tried some rings on and got 6 written down on cards for him and he knows where the cards are so the ball is 100% in his court, there's nothing more I can do but wait and pray my grandma stays healthy and happy.

Edited by Indestructible

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Well then..he must read minds haha this weekend was definitely a surprise. I know all of you have likely seen this on facebook but just cause I can...

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I can't say it was a complete surprise as last Wednesday he made this random excuse to go get a ratchet exchanged at 7pm only to ask him an hour later where he was and he turned out to be at my dads "grabbing tow mirrors" since he was near there anyway. Plus, my friend was a little drunk the night before he did it and when we took a shot together she said "cheers to your weekend!" and winked at me a few times lol I wrote that one off to drunken blabber but it still made me question what she meant. I'm soo happy!

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CONGRATS!!!!!!! I was so excited when I saw this on facebook. I can't believe it suddenly happened after the recent discussions on here...or...maybe he's been snooping around here without you knowing? :P lol jk. anyways though...that's AWESOME! and the ring is gorgeous too!!

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