BarrelBlondie22

The "circle Of Trust" Pt. Ii

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Hi! I'm new here!

So I've been with my SO (significant other) for almost 5 months now.... my SO is going to kill me for posting here, but I love my SO more than anything so I hope my SO takes it easy on me!

Ok enough of that.

If I'm not welcome here, this will be my last post, but to go back a little bit, one night I was skyping with my girlfriend.... lets call her CA, and she directed me to a link, on this site. She showed me something of moderate interest, then said OOPS, there's relationship stuff on there I don't want you to read! "Oh, OK, I'll just leave". That was a lie, it turns out I found something that, even though I was contradicting the thread itself (its called the circle of trust, and I CA probably trusted me to not read it, btw Robert De Niro is my favorite actor), I realized this was a tool I could use to gauge how good of a BF i was being to CA. It's not like I am reading the girls diary.

So I read, and I saw what she didnt like, and some things that I couldnt pick up form talking with CA, from this thread I realized what worked and what didn't. So yeah I may probably be wrong by you girls, but its OK. I'm posting here becuase I'm bored, and becuase I kind of read it anyway, I just dont have as much self control as I need to to stay away. I'm a man, but of course I am also in a relationship, so I may have valid input to add.

Anyway, I am PaintPony's BF, and I love paintpony alot and we are doing great, except she might kill me now. Temptation got the best of me!

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Alright Guys...I need some advice.

My best friend (he's a guy) is married but apparently they're getting a divorce soon. I've been helping him try to find an apt because his wife won't leave the house (even though she should..) She's physcotic (no, seriously) and has cheated on him numerous times, I know of more times than he does.

Here's the thing. Back a few days ago I found out that HE has a girlfriend. His wife has posted it all over her myspace and called him out on facebook over it/posted the messages to him from the GF on facebook. This kinda hurts my feelings because he's been my best friend for 3 years and I NEVER saw him doing this kind of thing. Not only that, but we always said if we were both single at the same time, we'd date eachother. Now I'm single and he's fixing to be..but he's got this other chick.

Everyone I've told about this has told me that I need to confront him and ask him what is going on with this other chick. I'm not good at confrontation, so what do I say? I know I have to say something because me living with it and holding it in is stressing me out beyond belief. I'm stressed to the point I can't sleep. I talked to him on friday but he didn't say anything about it and I didn't bring it up..when I know I should have then.

I don't know, even your relationship with him sounds kind of "dangerous". I am sorry that he was cheated on, but that is really no excuse in my book to cheat as well. I don't think you should get your feelings hurt (though of course it is impossible to control feelings) because his WIFE found something out that you didn't know, regardless of what kind of character she is. I think it is really tricky when you're best friends with someone of the opposite sex if you're not both single, especially if one of the people is married.

I don't feel like it's appropriate to talk about getting together if you're both single seeing as how he's married. If Brandon were to have a very close female friend and say something like that to her, I would be beyond hurt and potentially even break up with him, (and we're not married).

These are just my thoughts. I'm sorry that this situation is so hurtful to you, but I don't think even after the divorce is finalized you should date him seeing as how he has/had a girlfriend while married. I don't care the circumstances, I never stand for cheating, and would not date someone who had done so. Also, although you guys are only friends, I don't think it's fair for him to say stuff like that to you and lead you on while also emotionally not being faithful to his wife.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. [Huggy]

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Do you have any proof of a girlfriend aside from what his cheating, psychotic wife has put on the internet?

Because it seems to me that she is risking getting the short end of the stick in the divorce because of her activities. So it would be to her advantage to make it look as though he cheated as well.

I'm not saying he did, I'm not saying he didn't. I'm saying you need to clarify this with him before you make assumptions about his activities based on something the woman he's leaving is saying.

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Hi! I'm new here!

So I've been with my SO (significant other) for almost 5 months now.... my SO is going to kill me for posting here, but I love my SO more than anything so I hope my SO takes it easy on me!

Ok enough of that.

If I'm not welcome here, this will be my last post, but to go back a little bit, one night I was skyping with my girlfriend.... lets call her CA, and she directed me to a link, on this site. She showed me something of moderate interest, then said OOPS, there's relationship stuff on there I don't want you to read! "Oh, OK, I'll just leave". That was a lie, it turns out I found something that, even though I was contradicting the thread itself (its called the circle of trust, and I CA probably trusted me to not read it, btw Robert De Niro is my favorite actor), I realized this was a tool I could use to gauge how good of a BF i was being to CA. It's not like I am reading the girls diary.

So I read, and I saw what she didnt like, and some things that I couldnt pick up form talking with CA, from this thread I realized what worked and what didn't. So yeah I may probably be wrong by you girls, but its OK. I'm posting here becuase I'm bored, and becuase I kind of read it anyway, I just dont have as much self control as I need to to stay away. I'm a man, but of course I am also in a relationship, so I may have valid input to add.

Anyway, I am PaintPony's BF, and I love paintpony alot and we are doing great, except she might kill me now. Temptation got the best of me!

Oh. My. God.

Carol Annnnnnn!!!!

Maree: It's working for the most part...but I'm trying to keep my actual feelings out of it, which is a little difficult because I DO care about him.

Edited by JumperCrazy

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I kinda really wanna high five my boyfriend right now.

I feel that this is going to be talked about on HC for years to come...

Edited by paintpony1

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bahahaha not gunna lie, i def thought that your BF was some little kid, just joining this thread, and talking about their SO.

Im tired ok? but props to you Carol ann's BF, you will definatly be a circle of trust and HC legend haha

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Oh, I love that boyfriends read this! And with good intentions, plus actually taking things in. This isn't an exclusive girls club...it has just so happened that many girls post on here. Haha, anyways.

Jackie - Are you more upset over the fact he cheated and thus not like you thought he was, or the fact he's with another girl (the girlfriend specifically, not the wife). I'm with GiddyUpHighly on this one, he should have never told you those things while married. Those are inappropriate grounds and I would have immediately seen it as a red-flag situation. Talk to him perhaps for your own peace of mind, but I would not give my energy to someone like him. The little bit you've said certainly makes him sketchy sounding when it comes to relationships, and why waste your time on that? Leave it at a friendship.

Keiko - Enough said indeed. I love the experiences that fall beyond the expression of words!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend!

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Ok...so last night was kind of tough. The boy and I almost broke up...

He came over to my house last night to hang out because we haven't seen each other in a while. And everything was going great-we were watching football with my family since it was raining and there was really nothing else to do. Then after dinner we decided to go into another room to get away and have some time to ourselves. We popped a movie in and settled down on the couch. He had other things on his mind other than watching movies...which i resisted (I have certain boundaries that I will not let him cross and he's always pushing the line-which results in us both becoming frustrated and leads to many arguments).

We argue about this almost every time we're together. And it's at the point where I'm tired of fighting with him. But I feel like we get along so well when we're around other people and he can't be overly affectionate. He knows my boundaries...we had countless talks about it. And he blames himself for all our fights. Though, I know we are both contributing to the problem... I don't know how long we're going to last.

We decided we need to find other things to do other than sit on the couch and watch tv (since that seems to be the root of all evil). The problem is that we really only see each other on week nights after 7...and by that time everything in our town is about to close for the night.... And it's winter so it's cold and there's not much to do outside....so we're out of ideas of what to do. Plus I feel bad that he has to spend money on me...I do offer to pay my way sometimes but he always insists he wants to pay.

So I guess my reason of posting this is to see what you guys do with your SO's and if you have any ideas of what we could do.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Have you guys ever had a game night? Maybe I'm really nerdy, lol, but I know my and a lot of my girlfriends will invite our guys over and have a game night pretty regularly and it's always a lot of fun.

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Uno! A lot of the time if it is a slow night and all we're doing is watching tv we will play Uno. Game after game after game. It's fun :]

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Being held in someone's arms and having them tell you that they love you is the most amazing feeling ever.

Enough said.

definatly. Its the greatest!!!

So we're talking about getting married next summer. Scary! (not scary as in scared to get married....just BIG change...whoa) The scariest part for me is talking to my parents about it because i know they're going to FLIP OUT. *sigh*

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im so excited for you bella! ahhh

Thank you carol ann! I'm really excited....and scared. Now just to live that long without my parents seriously injuring me....lol

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Andrea, I can relate...except our issue is we begin to feel like zombies. And when tBelhe fam is around all the time, I get irritable because we then get no time to ourselves. I mean, its usually just my dad and he doesn't mind that we sit close or I put my head on his shoulder or we hold hands, but otherwise its just..eh. Anywho! So. One of the most fun activities ever is random drives. I incessantly flip through the radio or we bring some of his CDs or we make random drive CDs. Adventures at Wal*Mart to buy cheap candy. Seeing movies (even better if your theater has the cheaper hour of time A to B, ours is 3-5 I think). Bake together. Games too, like slap jack. Video games! Drawing, even? Work on a project together.

BellaRider, I may point in the direction of these two sites for wonderful ideas:

http://offbeatbride.com/

http://indiebride.com/

Under "Kvetch" is their forum, and it is so entertaining and informative on so many issues. I'd check it out!

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BellaRider, I may point in the direction of these two sites for wonderful ideas:

http://offbeatbride.com/

http://indiebride.com/

Under "Kvetch" is their forum, and it is so entertaining and informative on so many issues. I'd check it out!

Thanks! This is cool! We're definatly doing off-beat...not sure quite what yet. I grew up on the family farm so possibly at the end of a field or something. And i'm wearing my cowboy boots!

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I don't know why I'm so upset. I think it's a mixture of a lot of things. For one, he's been my best friend for YEARS. He knows everything about me, even some things my ex didn't even know. My whole family is friends with his whole family and my family has done TONS for him. I mean, my parents paid his heating bill last year when oil prices were sky high and he couldn't afford it.

And the whole telling me he would date me thing, it was a simple, if I'm ever single again and you're ever single, we should give us a try..you're my best friend sort of thing.

I know the girl he's seeing. I don't care for her, never have. Her and I have a ton of mutual friends and to be completely honest, she's a *****. She is one of those girls that thinks she's God's gift to men and she's not. She's a party girl but plays off that she's overly religious.

It's just hard because he's my best friend and he was the one to talk to me when everything was going on with Brett...and now he's acting this way. It's like all my trust in him is gone and that really hurts me.

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Jackie, that would be tough to deal with. It sounds like his character is in question here...for good reasons. I'd be bothered too, seeing as he has become someone you don't know/didn't expect would do such a thing. Perhaps talk to him about that, call him out on it. What he is doing is shady, anyhow, running around with this other girl while he's married. No excuse what his wife is like, he is fully responsible for his actions. E-hugs.

BellaRider, have you guys talked about rings or anything? Just asking out of curiosity, even before I thought about marriage I loved rings, so now that the prospect of a someday-marriage is approaching, it's exciting! I gave the boy a link today on what kind of rings I like...and not as a hint or anything (truly, and I told him that. I was indulging my "girly" side). But we've talked about it, and he said he wants to get a ring I'll love. Not a cheap purchase, necessarily. Anywho. What strikes your fancy, ring wise?

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Jackie, that would be tough to deal with. It sounds like his character is in question here...for good reasons. I'd be bothered too, seeing as he has become someone you don't know/didn't expect would do such a thing. Perhaps talk to him about that, call him out on it. What he is doing is shady, anyhow, running around with this other girl while he's married. No excuse what his wife is like, he is fully responsible for his actions. E-hugs.

Yep, I have to call him out on it. I can't just sit around and pretend like I don't know anything about it. If I say the things that are on my mind, he may never speak to me again. I just really don't know what I should say or how to bring it up...if I should just come on out and say it or what.

I'm going to wait until Wednesday or Thursday since he's working today and tomorrow. (Oh, did I mention, he's a COP. Yeah...)

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BellaRider, have you guys talked about rings or anything? Just asking out of curiosity, even before I thought about marriage I loved rings, so now that the prospect of a someday-marriage is approaching, it's exciting! I gave the boy a link today on what kind of rings I like...and not as a hint or anything (truly, and I told him that. I was indulging my "girly" side). But we've talked about it, and he said he wants to get a ring I'll love. Not a cheap purchase, necessarily. Anywho. What strikes your fancy, ring wise?

Oh my. Now you're going to get me started! I looovveee looking at jewelry even though i don't wear much. I want something a little bit different i think...nothing too elaborate tho (i don't wanna be afraid to wear it!)

We've talked about rings somewhat. I told him he has to have an engagement ring.... hehe. I asked him what he likes and whatever, so i can look around. He wants engraved.

personally....i'm not sure what i want. I want either a band with diamonds inset (even with the band) for a wedding ring or a engagement/wedding set with inset diamonds and some other stone thats not all that common on wedding rings...maybe amethyst or sapphire? I might try to convince him to pick out rings together after we're engaged, instead of him getting me one and giving it to me when he pops the question (officially).

Also.....is it customary for the bride to have an engagement ring AND a wedding ring?

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Typically, the flashy ring is the engagement ring and at the wedding ceremony, wedding bands are introduced. Ah fun. So yep, it is typical for a woman to have a ring and a band, or some set.

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Thank you carol ann! I'm really excited....and scared. Now just to live that long without my parents seriously injuring me....lol

bahaha i know the feeling! i mean...not the marriage thing, but making plans and not telling my parents till 5 mins before i *plan* on walking out the door...hahaha

my parents are wiiiiicked controlling tho, its nuts

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OMGz...

I leave for like 3 days and you guys are all getting married and cutting hair and making HC history and stuff. Sheesh!

I shall post nothing of significance towards my relationship status. However, I will just let you know that I am feeling quite independent and amazing and I am totally loving my life right now.

Except I have so much to update you on.

But I will just keep you in suspense.

~SUSPENSE~

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ohhhhhhh boy.

so the boy in question here just broke up with his girl friend of a year. Now tonight he asked to hang out with me at his apartment and watch a movie. great. well i'm excited, yet nervous at the same time.

though the point here is I don't know how to tell/ask my parents if i can go. great.

but i'll let you know how it goes after i come back.

oh and just a side note, he drove me to my car that was parked at another place, and he held my hand. Are you supposed to get butterflies in your stomach when that happens?

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Krystal, well well well...you are keeping us in suspense. However! I'm glad to hear you're loving life. Things are always better that way, huh?

Morning Dusk - Do let us know how it goes. But word of caution - I may not pursue a relationship right after a break up. But who knows how it'll turn out, just something to be aware of. I'm sure you've thought of that though!

Alright guys...

I keep spacing on this, but what is everyone doing for Valentines day?!

I seriously need to figure out what I'm doing/getting for the boy. Valentines day is much more geared towards getting women things, which is unfair. I'll make him some cookies/dessert like item. Perhaps a VERY bizarre mix CD. I'm hoping you guys have better ideas than me and I'll feel inspirational.

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Alright guys...

I keep spacing on this, but what is everyone doing for Valentines day?!

he said he doesn't want anything, but I told him he has to think of something.

He's getting me a teddy bear from Build-A-Bear when i'm down there with a t-shirt with his college logo on it :)

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Morning Dusk - Do let us know how it goes. But word of caution - I may not pursue a relationship right after a break up. But who knows how it'll turn out, just something to be aware of. I'm sure you've thought of that though!

Not to worry! we even told each other there was no rush at all.

but anyways, i went to his apartment, met his puppy, and played around with her for a little while. Then we watched Taladega Nights (which i've never seen) and at first he put his arm around me, then as time progressed we got closer and closer. He then held my hand. awww guys it was so cute.

He then walked me to my car and gave me a hug, and nothing more. I really didn't want him to kiss me even if he tried. thats rushing. haha. so i'm giving it time to become more comfertable with myself in this new "enviorment".

when i was driving back home, i could smell his cologne (sp?) on my shirt.

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Upon discussing living together (plus my brother)...

Boy: All this talk is kind of making me think to myself, "what is keeping us from getting married?"

Me: Haha

Boy: Haha, no, I'm kinda serious.

Me: Well, those were my thoughts too.

Boy: Interesting. Gosh I feel weird. I feel grown up.

Me: do things feel more realistic, suddenly?

Boy: Yeah, what about you?

Me: (after clarifying what he meant) Basically. Like before when I've had these moments like...us getting married is REALLY going to happen. It makes it feel more viable, opposed to our simple discussion of it. Though we both feel the same that it will happen, some things just put it in perspective

Boy: So are you saying you want to get married asap?

Me: Not necessarily, but like we've discussed, the only thing "stopping" us is money

Fastforward through the convo:

Boy: So what should we do?

Me: What do you mean?

Boy: What plan should we do, 6 month? 1 year? 2 year?

I don't know how this got to such a serious discussion! It feels too serious for facebook/aim.

(Sometime soon, I'll stop spamming my own thread. This was just kinda a whoa moment).

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