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PinkTractor

Being Supportive For A Teen Pregnancy

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I was watching that television show last night "16 & Pregnant". I've seen it a couple times last year but never fully was into it. I think it is doing more harm than good with the intentions that it will prevent "teenage pregnancy". But that's another story!

Anyways. Last night was an episode that this girl was pregnant (Senior year I believe). She has no contact with her biological parents as she was adopted at birth. Her adoptive parents were not supportive at all. They instantly thought she needed to give the child up for adoption and kept pressuring her into it. For quite a while h and her (ex) boyfriend wanted to keep the child. However, her parents kept pressuring the boy into adoption, too. In the end she did end up doing an adoption. But he was distraught over it. As was she. She said that was the baby was the only blood related person in her family and she had to give him up. (She has no contact for any of her biological relatives)

There was more to the story, but that sums it up.

Now the thing is - I understand the teenager was in high school. She lived under her parents roof. But she was going to move out, get a job, and support the child.

Do you think being a Mother you have the right to pressure your daughter into a decision? The mother in this case was very strong on her stance. Got very upset when she talked about keeping the child and told her she was making a huge mistake - she'll ruin her life, etc. She cried or walked out everytime the daughter mentioned keeping the baby.

I just could not see that happening. I understand having a heart-to-heart talk about other options out there, but to pressure into a decision...

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Well, first, I don't think they expect the show to "prevent" teen pregnancy. Nothing can prevent teen pregnancy. BUT, the show is a look at what REAL teenagers have gone through and is kind of a reality check for girls who thought Juno was real life. The girls on that show have to make life changing decisions before they're 18 years old...some of them before they're even 16.

Second, that mother was an absolute NUT CASE. I'm sorry, but she was the definition of drama. When she didn't get her way she just pitched a fit and cried.

Personally, I DO think adoption was the best choice for that particular couple, however the mother needed to take a step back and calm down. She was making things much, much worse than they needed to be.

No body wants to SUPPORT teenaged pregnancy, especially the mother of a pregnant teenager...but let's face it, the damage has been done and that point the LAST thing the girl needs is her mother jumping down her throat screeching about her religion this, church that, and adoptionadoptionadoption.

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Coming from an adult now but I was a teen mom 18 years ago when I was17. My mother didn't pressure me. I don't believe she would. I don't believe it is right. My mother did say this is your baby not mine. I'm not going to take care of her you are. I had my babies. You need to get a job and grow up. I have seen this show with my girls and don't agree with the angle they show things. Having a baby at 17 isn't fun glamorous or easy.

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Coming from an adult now but I was a teen mom 18 years ago when I was17. My mother didn't pressure me. I don't believe she would. I don't believe it is right. My mother did say this is your baby not mine. I'm not going to take care of her you are. I had my babies. You need to get a job and grow up. I have seen this show with my girls and don't agree with the angle they show things. Having a baby at 17 isn't fun glamorous or easy.

I guess I must be seeing a completely different angle than you. All I see on that show are relationships falling apart- constant fights with family- babies having melt downs in restaurants- the moms being overwhelmed with school and things they're missing out on. I don't see anything glamorous or easy about it. In fact the only couple who was actually shown to have a decent, healthy relationship was the couple that gave their child up for adoption. That's the point of the show- to show teen girls that it's NOT glamorous or easy, and you have to sacrifice your whole entire world to have that baby.

As for the original question. I didn't see the show- but I don't think the mother should have pressured the daughter like that, I don't believe it's healthy. However, if she was really going to move out and take care of herself and the baby then she should have just done that.

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I don't watch this show because (a) its not something I want my soon to be teen daughter to watch and (B) I get enough of this sort of thing at work. So this girl at 16 was going to move out and take care of herself and her child? Yeah, right. Just how did she plan on doing this? Most people that age with just a high school education wind up working at minimum wage, fast food type jobs. Just how is she going to support herself and a baby on that? How is she going to finish her education and go on to college or vocational school and support a baby at the same time? Day care for infants can run $500-600/month. That's just about all the take home pay from a min. wage job. Baby daddy was young too, right. So he also has no education and works min. wage. Plus after the new wears off and he sees his friends out having fun with no responsibilities while he's stuck with a kid to support, odds are he'll cut and run. Remember Poet'sHavok? I believe her BabyDaddy took a powder on her right before the delivery.

Bottom line, when kids this young have kids most of the responsibility of the care and support of those babies falls back on the grandparents or in some cases great grandparents. Not always, but usually. In my case, at my age, there is no way in Hades I'd be able to raise a baby, not to mention that I'm not a baby person. If my daughter became pregnant at 16, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be pressuring her to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. She would not be prepared to raise a child and neither am I. A child at 16 would seriously impair her ability to go on to have a good life herself. Right now, at almost 13, I don't encourage relationships with boys, I don't allow her to date, I discourage friendships with older boys and she is pretty much supervised wherever she goes. I have talked to her about sex and relationships and will continue to do so. When she is old enough to date, I will make sure she has information about birth control and will gladly (well maybe not gladly) see that she gets birth control.

Young girls often have this fantasy about having babies. The baby will be cute and cuddley, they can dress it up in cute little outfits. BabyDaddy will marrie them and they will live happily ever after. The reality is they've just made their life a lot harder than it has to be both for them and their baby.

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Strangely enough, I've come to really like that show.

It REALLY shows the struggles these teenagers go through.

The two adoption stories really hit home of course. The very strong young couple in Season 1 who gave their child up really hit my heart hard. Even more so when their family was pushing for them to KEEP the baby and they stood up for what was RIGHT.

The Season 2 couple who didn't want to put their baby up for adoption did the right thing as well, but it made me so sick to see how the parents were acting towards that child.

I'm glad it all worked out for them, but I could sympathize with those children and the painful choices they had to make.

It really touched home for me.

Edited by Epona142

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I think those that haven't seen it, should really watch it. It's quite fascinating to see what some of these girls decide to do. Sure there are a few girls that you just want to slap upside the head, but a lot of them really DO have the best interest of their child at heart and do anything to make sure everything goes well

It's not the trash that people think it is.

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I really like the show. The episode you're referring to was a difficult situation. I can see both sides.

As we're all aware, the cost of raising a baby is a huge financial commitment. The parents of the girl pressured her into adoption because they knew their daughter would be unable to pay to raise a child, and they weren't able to help her. Sounds pretty responsible to me. If their 16 year old daughter wanted to keep the baby she should've got a job, got a place to live, and figured it out herself. She was adult enough to get knocked up, she's adult enough to figure out what to do with it. Instead this girl decided to be immature and string not only her parents, but also her baby's father, one adoptive family, and her friends. She had no concrete plans laid out when she was far enough along that she should have. For pete's sake I'm 19 weeks pregnant and we have finances worked down to the near cent so that we don't go in the hole while I'm on maternity leave and I've got another 21 weeksish to think about it! As soon as someone makes a decision to keep their baby they need to figure out what is needed for them to do so. Not once does she mention going to get information on low income housing and other programs that may be available to her should she chose to leave her parents care and raise her child on her own.

One things that always bothers me a little on these shows is how many parents help their kids out as much as they do. Now I don't have a child at the reproductive age, but I know if I were to get pregnant while living at home with my mom I would've been expected to either pay rent or ship out. There's no way she ever would've been able to pay to raise me and my baby, nor should she have been expected to or asked to. Some of these girls are way spoiled and lucky and unfortunately don't realize how lucky they are. In the past season and on Teen Mom there was a girl named Amber who moved out of her mother's house and away from her boyfriend at one point and found a job to support herself. She went and found what support was available to her, she slowly worked on getting her GED (better than giving up) and got a job. It's possible to do it, but it's sure not easy.

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I don't think it's fair to criticize parents for helping their child. It's their decision and IMO, the parents that offered support to their child (whether it was financially or emotionally or what) should be commended for not "giving up" on them.

I'm of the belief that a pregnant teen should NEVER be abandoned by their family.

While Amber did all of those things, it took her a long time to realize the reality of the situation. She was also incredibly immature. She wanted things to happen boomboomboom and when they didn't, she got frustrated and took it out on her BF.

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I don't think it's fair to criticize parents for helping their child. It's their decision and IMO, the parents that offered support to their child (whether it was financially or emotionally or what) should be commended for not "giving up" on them.

I definitely should've worded my paragraph differently. I think I'm more surprised by how much some of the parents help these kids, not that it's a bad thing. If the family has the means and is understanding and accepting of the situation and helps their daughter out that's fantastic, as long as they aren't brats like Farrah and don't appreciate it ;) It would be awful if they all just turned their backs on the kids. But at least the parents who weren't able to support daughter & baby were honest and tough about it and didn't beat around the bush and give their daughter a false hope of security for her and her child.

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I guess I was more taken aside that she was so pressuring. She was creating more drama and stress for the girl to deal with. At the girls age decisions are tough. She knew she was young - but she also felt she should have the child. IMO - if I was adopted at birth - I don't know if I could do that to my own child. No matter what age. At least her decision for an open adoption was a good idea. At least the child will know her biological family.

I understand being a Mother at such a young age is very hard to do. However, I have seen girls do it on their own - move out get a job and later on get a GED. I've also seen where it turned more into the "Grandma's" own child. My Grama had my Mom when she was 16. My Mom had my brother when he was 19. Both have done a great job raising their children.

I believe I need to watch the show more and see more episodes - I never really watched it that much.

Mistakes happen. Teens will have pregnancies. When they find out - the initial fact is over. They need support to get through the tough period and make the right decision.

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I was going through this 16 years ago, my daughter was 18 & senior in highschool. It is a very emotional time, many things are said & done you regret later. But differences have tp be put aside for the good of mother, father, & child. It is not easy, but can be done. My daughter finished highschool & married father 5 weeks after my grandson was born. They are still married, with 3 more kids, so it has worked out okay. In our situation I never doubted my daughters ability to be a good mother, & father never avoided any responsibility. When this happened, my wife & I were heavily involved in a Church, we were judged on our ability to be good parents, as this shouldn't happen in a Christian family. When the chips are down you really find out who your friends are. We left the Church, but didn't leave our belief in God behind. Sorry if I got of topic a bit, as you were asking about response to tv show, & I just related a real life exprience. PD

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I think it's inappropriate to force a kid to give a baby up for adoption or have an abortion. But I do think that it's appropriate to lay out those options because they ARE options.

And while they may be really difficult choices, I think they pale in comparison to trying to raise a child while you ARE a child.

I don't envy any of them....tough tough road no matter which way they go.

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Those are decisions that will haunt you for the rest of your life. No one has the right to pressure, persuade, or force a person to make a decision they are not comfortable with. An individual should know their options, but to force anything any further is inappropriate.

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I misspoke. What I ment while having a child so young isn't easy, I don't agree with how the show protreys (sp) some of the parents. Farrah is a brat. Her mother needs to give her some tough love. She needs to take care of that baby not her mom. Showing a Grandma being a mom upsets me. When you choose to have that child it is your responsibility. Not your Mothers.

Peppers Dad- I want to tell you that your daughter having a baby when she was young and unmarried wasn't anyhing you or your wife did wrong. Your daughter was doing the same thing as everyone else. She just happens to be the one who got caught. She is also the one who stood up acepted responsiblity and became an adult rather than going to Madison to get the problem taken care of. She and your family deserve a pat on the back.

My parents didn't do anything wrong either. They for the most part were great parents. While my mom did expect alot out of us she supported us in our passions too. My parents were married, didn't drink, do drugs, came to my things I was doing and they broght us to church. They were good parents. Like Peppers Dad's daughter I just happened to be the one who got caught. I do feel bad because I let my parents down but I wouldn't change my children for anything.

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This issue hits home very hard for me. I had my 1st child 17 years ago when i was 16. Yes it was harder than any one could every believe. However I did have support of family, not every one is that lucky. My daughter knows how very hard it was for me and she is making sure she finishes school and has her life in order before she has kids. By the way i have 3 other daughters as well, will i be supportive if one of them becomes a teen mom? It all really depends on the situation and every thing else. Would i support them if they chose to keep the baby.. I would be there to help but they would be the ones raising the baby its their baby not mine. I have seen way to many adult women not just teen moms push their babies off on to the grandparents to raise because they are to busy or have a life of their own... Well hunny you should have thought of that before you had that child.

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Honestly, I think the mom was right in pressuring her to give up the child. Babies deserve to be raised in a stable environment, not subjected to the whims of a mother who is a child herself. I don't really care what the mother of the baby feels/wants. Nothing matters but what is best for the baby.

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