FritzeyRIDER

Are You A Parent That Snoops?

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If one of my child's facebook friends is using inappropriate language I will delete him from her friend list. If the FBF is posting mean, bullying type posts I will talk to my child about it. Does she think that kind of post is appropriate and does she really want that kind of person as a friend. My child is pretty good about this and has deleted some people from her list on her own because the person was posting nasty, mean, bullying posts about people. If one of her FBFs was posting sexually explicit or violent, threatening or suicidal posts, I would try to get in touch with the kid's parents and inform them of what's going on. I don't check her FB on a daily basis, just randomly, same with her email or texts. I've never seen anything really bad, just kind of amusing teen angst.

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I find the extreme amount of parent involvement in some of these cases very interesting. If my parents read my texts, checked my computer, etc... I would have received the message that they couldn't trust me, and for no good reason. I was a good kid. I gave them NO reason not to trust me. Now if I had lied, or somehow broken their trust in another way... I would have understood why they were reading my texts. But those of you who are saying that you have GOOD kids but you check up on them anyway.... why? Do you not trust that you raised them well?

My parents always joked that they always knew what I was doing on my computer so I "better watch out!" It was intended to make me extra careful that everythign I was doing was appropriate... but I was smarter than them. Even in middle school I made sure that my history didn't save and my cache and cookies were always deleted. They weren't computer savvy enough to install a keystroke logger or anything like that on the computer. They really DIDN'T know what I was doing. But you know what? I behaved myself anyway. I didn't do anything inappropriate just because I simply knew better.

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I do have to say that if I had a kid I'd be very concerned and involved in their online activities. It's not necessarily because of their behavior as it is the freaks out their looking for new prey.

FB/My Space... any computer time actually... would be monitiored from the time they started getting online. There's just too much out there too easy to find also. Nasty stuff they don't need to see too young.

It wouldn't be a snooping behavior though. Snooping implies sneaking. I'd sit down with them and look around. Make it a "together" thing. Make them aware that I can see anything they put up (and so can anyone else!).

Edited by mrs

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Yeah, I don't have anything to hide on my FB or in my text messages, though I mean, I'm sure they don't want to read the conversations between me and a guy I'm dating (however, there's nothing WRONG with these conversations) but if I found out they were doing so, I'd be a little upset that they were doing so.

I think it's a little different for parents with younger kids who have cell phones/text messaging/etc, though. I'm 18, so I'm pretty much "on my own" and my parents let me do my own thing.

There was one instance where my parents (I'm assuming) go into my facebook after I had used my mom's laptop. I don't know WHY and I don't know what they were doing...but the only reason I knew was because when I got on the next day a chat box from the night before popped up (I had not been home nor on a computer at all through the night) where a friend had tried to talk to me and my parents actually talked back.

I didn't bring it up, I simply changed my password and moved on. Obviously if they had been concerned about something, they would have talked to me. I'm VERY "clean" on FB though. I'm friends with whoever I want, but I don't use profanity or anything and for the most part my friends don't either.

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I will say there is a huge age factor here. My kids are 13,12 & 10 (and 1). I will not be reading my 16 year olds texts .. but for now i feel like checking up on them and showing them what is ok and whats not is going to pay off later.

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My parents used to let me do whatever whenever. They knew they could trust me, and therefore let me have free roam of whatever I did. Did they snoop? maybe mom has I really don't know - I'm sure all parents do on some occassion, but I never got into trouble for something she would have been snooping for.

Facebook - texting all that fun "new" stuff wasn't really around yet when I was in highschool...I think it was JUST coming out. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 18 and old enough to pay for it by myself so, no they have never snooped through that sort of stuff. If she had ever gone through my bag and such in highschool I'd probably be mad. I wouldn't go through her purse without asking, so I'd expect the same from her.

I don't live at home anymore though so I don't worry about that sort of stuff. Our relationship was pretty rocky at one point WITHOUT the snooping so I doubt it would have ever been better with it.

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Parents that read texts/FB messages/what have you to "check on" friends....what are you plans if you find something you don't like? It's not your child so it's not like you can punish them? Forbid your kid to see them? I think that's a little extreme.

Kids are kids/teens are teens. They're going to talk "inappropriately", I don't really see it as something to be concerned about unless your kid is having explicit sexual conversations or whatever.

These kids that I have found to be inappropriate will spend more time at my house than my kids will at theirs.

I am a snooper. I agree with MRS, it really depends on age. There is a big difference from 13/14 to 16/17.

Bad language never really bothered me as long as they knew enough to respect me, my home and my younger chiildren. I do not use bad language almost at all. The very few times I have cursed I think my kids were going to have a heart attack. It would have been funny if I hadnt of been so mad, LOL.

My oldest kids (now 18 and 20) knew I would randomly look through their stuff. Sometimes I commented, most times I did not. Sometimes I would comment out of curiosity, sometimes out of concern. My kids never go mad that I read a note or something and more often than not it opened up a great conversation that would tell me alot of what was going on with their minds.

My daughter was about 16 I think when she got her first myspace. She asked if she could have it. I told her that if she gave me the password and agreed that if I seen a picture that I felt inappropriate she would delete it. She quickly lost interest in her myspace and had one picture of her butt that she deleted as soon as I mentioned it.

Now she is in the Air Force and just yesterday we had a conversation of how inappropriate pictues could effect her future career. Of course I got the usual "Mom, I know!!!"

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Does rummaging around looking for "The Smell" count as snooping? If so then yes. Yes I have.

Public service announcement.....Ask teenage daughters to hose boots after mucking around in the cattle barn after branding. :sick:

Wait. I take that back. I did snoop around in her room looking for some chocolate she had. I know she had it somewhere. And I was jonesn'. Bad. :ashamed0002:

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Wait. I take that back. I did snoop around in her room looking for some chocolate she had. I know she had it somewhere. And I was jonesn'. Bad. :ashamed0002:

I have done that too. My daughter rarely eats candy or chocolate so I was always pretty easy to raid her room. LOL

My son on the other hand. No way. He has good hiding placed, LOL.

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I want to give my input on this so some parents can understand. I?m only 17 years old, but I know from personally experience what scooping does. My mom is very nosey, while my Dad is more if you want me to know you are going to have to tell me. I get along great with my Dad and we have few secrets. Now on the other hand I fight with my mom. I can?t even talk on to phone without her asking who it is and having to repeat everything to her. She goes through my stuff for on reasons. She goes threw anything I own, just because she can. I don?t have nothing to hide, but this makes it seems like she doesn?t trust me. For this reason stuff she is going to question I hide, I delete my texts and email. I don?t want my mom reading word for word my whole conversions, ask and I will tell. Plus, when she finds out, she tells everyone she knows. I would have people I never met coming up and be like so you do this. I don?t want that and no kid does. Due to my mom?s behave I don?t open up to many people, I?m shy, I hide any personal stuff, I change passwords and I?m protected over my room. When I do open up to you I?m then very fun to be around, but you might have to be my friend a year before that. Really the thing that opens me up is horses, because I talk to them and then my dad and I talk about horses a lot. Before my mom decide to scoop which was when I was in the 5th grade, I was very outgoing, had a different friend over every day, never had a shortage of friends, but she got my self-esteem low. Now I?m older I?m trying to fix this problem of low self-esteem. I know I have this opened up more to my dad and sister, but I know they will keep what a say a secret. They only ask what I?m willing to tell, unless it?s dangerous, they let me make my own mistakes. Please don?t scoop too much, for unneeded reasons it also costs rebellion. I have also saw this in many of my friends.

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