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jackie2925

Need Advice Regarding Custody Issues

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Long story short my husband and I have been having problems for quite a while and like a lot of people we just stuck it out for the wrong reasons.

I decided to tell him I was done with the marriage. We have a son together. My sister lives n Georgia at the Army base. Her husband is deploying for a year to Iraq.

I can't afford things on my own right now and she needs support. So I had planned to go there and look for a job. Well apparently my husband is trying to get full custody because he doesn't want me to go out of the area...within 30 minutes or so from him. I have offered every possible choice for shared custody and he doesn't want any of it unless I stay n the area.

Apparently I am going to be served an emergency custody order as he seems to think that I will run to GA...how crazy.

Does anyone live or has moved out of the state that the other parent lives in? I've never dealt with this and of course the worst always goes through my mind....surely I wouldn't lose my kids over wanting to move?? Or would I??

I can't sleep nor eat and I'm crying constantly. I have a appt with an attorney thursday morning but just the consultation is $200...if I use him then he charges $300 an hour.

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You will likely need to go through the court. In Michigan when the parents are separate and they don't have their own divorce papers already drawn up the friend of the court will often get involved to determine child support and custody. The parent with primary custodian is not allowed to move 100 miles away or out of state without permission from the other parent. I do believe if it's for work reasons you can have it changed, but if you're moving there without a job lined up it might be difficult to fight. I would see if your state has a friend of the court that you can go through, it might be a cheaper option than a lawyer but you will likely be restricted as to how far you can go.

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Having gone through a terribly painful divorce that involved custody issues, I can only say how sorry I am that you will be dealing with this. My advise is to let your attorney handle as much of this as posssible. If you get any notification of action before your appointment with your attorney, call him and ask him what your response should be.

One more thing is this: Make sure you have complete confidence in your attorney. Don't use someone just because they are less expensive than someone else. Make sure he is expert in divorce and custody issues. You may be paying on his bill for a long time, but you will have your kids with you as proof that it was worth every penny.

Good luck. Be tough and be willing to fight for what you want. Some pretty ugly things are going to be said, possibly. Your ability as a good mother, provider, disciplinarian, could all be called in to question. You might need to have credible character witnesses - who are not family members - get those people lined up now.

After all was said and done what I found out from my husband was that he didn't think I would fight as hard as I did and that I would eventually cave in to what he wanted which was lower child support payments. Guess he didn't know me as well as he thought.

Keep us posted. Hugs to you and your son.

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I know in N.Y if you want to move out of state w/the child you have to get the other parents permession.

Good luck & fight for what is best for you & your son.

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Lots of good thoughts for you! I know this must be horribly stressful. [Huggy]

I don't know much about the legalities, but if it's going to be shared custody and the other parent isn't agreeable than I think it's a real challenge to be allowed to move very far. I know that the reason my sister hasn't moved out of the Cincinnati area, which she hates, is because of custody. She had to get permission from her ex just to move to a different county (or maybe more than the set number of miles?). Anyway, she needed his agreement to move about an hour away. She's counting the months until the boys turn 18, next year, so she can move down here near me. (Well, part of her doesn't want her kids to grow up, obviously, but she really hates having been forced to remain in that area for 12 years.)

I'm sure these things vary by state and situation though. I hope your lawyer is a good one and can help you figure out your options. I know how much it would mean to be able to be with family.

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I offered to let my oldest son stay with his dad if my son wanted to and to see him every other weekend. He said no that wasn't fair for my son to ride 4 hours or 8 total in a weekend.

This area is full of family for them and I have no one. I feel I'm at risk of losing both my kids.

I can't afford attorney fees. Whereas the hubby can...I'm still at the house as I'm not sure where to go...Georgia or here...

I have never been sooo upset n my life. I told him I didn't even want child support so its not about the money to him...its a control issue.

I worry that if I leave the house that he will change the locks and I won't be able to get n. The house is n his name only. My car is n both our names but I still wonder if he can take that away from me...

If he takes my car then I will lose my job of 10 yrs which would show that I couldn't care for them.

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Definitely try and find a lawyer that will take payments. And get the child support if you have the kids!! Otherwise if he keeps them you're going to be paying him. Get a good contract that keeps you and your boys covered. My dad was an active dad in my life but after he and my mom split he wasn't around much for the first year or so despite living close by. If my mom hadn't had a solid divorce contract she would've been screwed trying to pay for everything. This is about your kids more than you. My mom made sure we would receive support all the way through our college years, protecting us.

It's pretty much impossible to go through a divorce when you have children without a lawyer. You may also be able to get your husband to have to pay some of your legal fees.

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I don't love him anymore and haven't for a while. We do nothing but argue. No affection or coversation for years. He knows this. I told him that I didn't love him anymore.

Now he's lying to people saying that I put accounts in his name. He wanted a computer 5 yrs ago. I get an employee discount with Dell (not my employer) so with him on the phone with me I opened an acct online and ordered the computer that he wanted. Same thing with a furniture acct. He was on the phone while I did it online from work. He knows it but is flat out lying.

So I'm crying and he tells me that I can turn this all around by staying....

Its like he's blackmailing me now...why does my life have to be soooo bad. Please pray for me. I have never been depressed but I don't think I can get much lower right now...

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[Huggy]

He sounds like a chit head! I would say to him that I am a great mother. I haven't done anything that would warrent a child being taken from me. I have been their primary care giver thier intire lifes. I then would figure out how much he would have to pay in support, thier are online calculaters. just type in his income. I ould then figure out how much he /would have to pay you in matience. And as far as the house goes was it his before you got married? If it was acuried after you got married you are intiled to half of the equity in the house.

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The house was purchased after we got married.

Is there legal aid or court appointed lawyers to help? How can I find them?

Do I answer the door if someone comes to serve me papers?? I don't know what to do.....

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Some places to begin:

1) Women's Shelters: If you call them, they may be able to put you in touch with some services in your local area--like legal aid. I suggest the women's shelter thing because they often have a lot more experience dealing with various local agencies and tend to be able to point people in the right direction.

2) If you don't have a local shelter... Legal Aid: Most areas have some sort of sliding scale fee legal aid.

IMHO, the smart thing to do here is to keep your wits about you and keep your focus on the childrens' best interest. It may be that you're going to have to work very hard to stay put to show that you're willing to keep things as stable for the kids as possible. I wouldn't make any big plans without talking to legal counsel first.

Divorce is hard on everyone...but when there are kids involved, I think it becomes especially important that you keep your priorities in order. You can't afford to crawl into a hole and cry...you have to do the mom thing right now if you want to keep your kids in your life.

Best wishes.

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You can't afford not to have a lawyer in a situation like this. Your area may be different but in my area Legal Aid is so overworked that they only take divorce cases where there is domestic abuse involved. Call your state bar association. They can give you a referral to an attorney. Most attorneys will do an initial consultation either free or for a small fee and will give you an estimate of the charges involved. Be upfront with them on your financial situation.

I don't do divorce work but I do know that it isn't uncommon for courts to prohibit one parent from taking the children over a certain distance from the non-custodial parent. This is to allow the non-custodial parent reasonable access to his children. You may not love your husband anymore but he is the father of your children and unless he is abusive, has a right to participate in their lives.

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I'm sorry if this is inappropriate, but would selling the horses for legal aid money be an option? You would probably get a good deal of money from a sell, and it would also take the financial burden of their care off of you. I'm so, so very sorry that you are dealing with this. I went through my parent's divorce when I was 17 and it was one of the worst times of my life. I couldn't imagine going through it as one of the spouses.

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I have listed Dottie for sale and my saddles. Its just a matter of someone buying them.

I talked with 2 attorney offices and have decided to go with a female attorney.So I will see her Tuesday.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I appreciate everything.

We have talked a little.So I think we may be able to work this out without going through attorneys now but I still want to know my rights as their mother.

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