wisecomp

Another "fugly"

36 posts in this topic

*I* received the email in question, as did a number of other friends of mine with rescues!

This is the email I received, names omitted since it's a minor:

I have had my horse for two years and I love him very much! I knew when I bought him that he had melanoma, but I didn't know until two months ago just how bad it was. When XXXX (my horse) started refusing jumps and tripping often, I became worried and called my vet. She found that internally, he was completely ridden with tumors. One even on his spinal cord, killing nerves in his hind end. Consequently, XXXX is slowly but surely going paralyzed and isn't safe to ride... ever. I can't afford to keep a horse that I'm unable to ride, no matter how much I love him. It would be much to expensive! I refuse to put him down at this time because he isn't in any pain, but I need... NEED... to have my horse taken off my hands. I want him to have a good home, and I don't need any money for him. He is very sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly. He gets along with other horses great. Will you please help me? Can your rescue take XXXX?

I was going to ignore it until I found out this kid has another H/J horse that she's riding and going to all these shows ... so now she can't afford to keep this horse since he's unable to be ridden and wants to throw him to a rescue to handle the expense and the heartache?

Wrong!

I was harsh in my reply. I didn't know how old she was at the time (14 or 15) but I don't think that would have mattered in my reply. I wasn't having the best of days yesterday and this was just the topping on the cake ...

My reply:

OK, I will probably be the unpopular kid on the block here but I have to say something.

You bought this horse and have taken on the responsibility of him. And now you want someone ELSE to take on the responsibility of either slowly watching him go paralyzed and die or put him down?

SHAME ON YOU!

If you ?love? this horse, then you will do right by this horse NOW, yourself, BEFORE he is in pain, BEFORE he?s paralyzed, BEFORE he loses his ability, no, his RIGHT to die with dignity. Do NOT shirk this responsibility because it?s hard on you and now the horse has no useful purpose to you.

This is NOT a horse for a rescue! A rescue is there to take in the horse that needs to be saved, rehabilitated and re-homed. Not to pocket the expense of having to put down someone?s horse because they don?t have the balls to do it themselves or the sense of duty, responsibility and commitment to do right by this horse that did right by them.

Sorry, we?ve taken in old horses before and have kept them until their time because their owners couldn?t. But those horses still had many useful years ahead of them and were not on the verge of death or needing to be put down in the immediate future. We still have 3 of those horses, one of them is almost totally blind now. I love him dearly and will do the right thing for him when it?s time.

As you should do for your horse. Pony up to your responsibility!

Sorry if this is coming off as ?too harsh? for some of you but irresponsibility and no sense of loyalty for the very creatures that entrust you with their lives is just plain wrong and I?m tired of not saying so.

And her reply back to me:

Look, I'm 14 years old and do love my horse. I apreciate your honesty, but there is no need for the "SHAME ON YOU!"s. SHAME ON YOU for making a middle school girl cry!

This is my story: My mom recently divorced, and we're in a pretty bad spot financially. My mom was working two jobs to keep my horse, and now that I can't ride him, she doesn't she the point. Her two jobs are CHRISTIAN PRESCHOOL TEACHER and CATERER! She was working to keep my horse for me because horseback riding was my only way to relax and enjoy myself. Between school and my parents' nasty split, that is what I had. Now I don't. We can't afford a new horse, and we might even be selling our house. I was trying to find a good home for my horse who had a while of retirement left in him. The vet said he could have years before serious paralysis set in because melanoma tumors are unpredictable.

Your words cut, and maybe you should know a person's true situation before you say things like that.

I attached a picture of XXXX. That's the one that hangs on my bedroom wall.

And so, I replied back with:

Sorry, but my thoughts, and opinions on this matter stand. I?ve also done a little checking and you have another horse, don?t you? One that you can show, so now since you CAN?T ride this one, it?s no longer useful and you want someone else to take on the responsibility of caring for your horse in his final, painful days. The expense, to both the wallet and the heart, is not something to be taken lightly, or shrugged off on another.

I feel for you, and for your horse. Sometimes, reality and life sucks. This is one of those times. Please, do the right thing!

So, the debate is ...

1. Was I just a total and uncaring bia for saying what I did?

2. Is this child, and her mother, being responsible in trying to re-home the horse or irresponsible in not stepping up to the plate and taking care of him themselves?

Oh, and the Fugly link: Fugly

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Well she needed a wake up call. I was wondering where her father is in all this. I am certain that the only source of income is not just from mom. I look forward to her reply to your second email about her other horse.

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Well she needed a wake up call. I was wondering where her father is in all this. I am certain that the only source of income is not just from mom. I look forward to her reply to your second email about her other horse.

Oh, I got a reply ... I forgot to post it! Thanks for reminding me!

Well, thanks for the advice, I guess, and I'm sorry for snapping on you. My temper tends to go crazy when my feelings are hurt. Putting him down was something I had looked into, and it was just too painful for me. I will probably revisit that option after all the negative feedback I've gotten on my decision. Different points of view and new information helps you grow, right? Maybe someday I'll be taking the same standpoint as you on a situation like this.

In the meantime, would you mind telling me how you found out that I had anouther horse? (She might be going up for sale too.) I didn't think I made that peice known on the internet...

I promise I'll leave you alone after this. Thanks.

I didn't bother to reply to her again. <sigh>

Oh, and she was listing that first horse on craigslist and saying he was "sound for light riding"!!!

I just couldn't help myself -- having taken in older horses when they were no longer "useful" to the people who owned them, and having put one down already and gave one away, I just have no patience for this crap. The one I gave away I felt bad about but the woman WANTED an older horse that wasn't too "spunky" as a companion for her injured horse. Her other horse was 17 and Tater was 27; she put her other horse down last year and still has Tater, who is 29 this year! So it wasn't like I pawned her off on someone else, the woman asked for her!

But this kid and mother ... just ticks me off! Can't put him down because he's not in pain yet? So let's wait until he's miserable and let someone else deal with it? Just NOT OK in my book.

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Andi - you are absolutely right in your opinion. They should own up to their responsibility. I'm sorry but that would be like saying you want to give your child up for adoption because it has cancer and you can't afford the treatments nor can you stand by and watch him/her die. It's no different.

It sucks that you had to come off that way to a 14 year old but she really needs a reality check because her mother is obviously teaching the daughter that that way of thinking (concerning a pet) is okay. It's not.

Good for you is all I gotta say! [Not Worthy]

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I would have said the exact same thing. Why would you want to take on the responsibility of putting her horse down for her? She's quite capable of doing that herself. If it were me, I'd do it sooner, rather than later. But, that's me. I cannot stand to see an animal suffer, and this poor horse is going to suffer big time, soon.

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She has also learned that her life is not a secret with you finding out about her second horse.

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Go Andi! [Not Worthy]

Not one word wrong, not one.

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Andi - you are absolutely right in your opinion. They should own up to their responsibility. I'm sorry but that would be like saying you want to give your child up for adoption because it has cancer and you can't afford the treatments nor can you stand by and watch him/her die. It's no different.

It sucks that you had to come off that way to a 14 year old but she really needs a reality check because her mother is obviously teaching the daughter that that way of thinking (concerning a pet) is okay. It's not.

Good for you is all I gotta say! [Not Worthy]

Thanks! I knew it was a kid when I first received it before I did any more digging but still, doesn't change my thoughts. Tough lesson for a kid to learn! I had to watch the pony that I rode all the time suffer with a broken hip because the owners wouldn't put him down and I was 10. Reality does suck sometimes!

I would have said the exact same thing. Why would you want to take on the responsibility of putting her horse down for her? She's quite capable of doing that herself. If it were me, I'd do it sooner, rather than later. But, that's me. I cannot stand to see an animal suffer, and this poor horse is going to suffer big time, soon.

I tried to get the point across to put this horse down now but I don't think she will, sadly. The one who is REALLY suffering is the horse, not the dang kid!

She has also learned that her life is not a secret with you finding out about her second horse.

:happy0203:

Yeah, another friend of mine in a rescue told me. She is spending a LOT of $$$ showing all year long but can't put this horse down? Pisses me off!

Go Andi! [Not Worthy]

Not one word wrong, not one.

Thanks! I felt a little bad about it, being harsh, but I think her and mommy need a wake up call!

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You did the right thing Sis. That whole "shame on you for making a middle school girl cry" is total Bullspit as far as i'm concerned. That's nothing but manipulation at it's finest. I feel ZERO sympathy for that girl right now.

[Huggy] to you Sis!!

Bumper

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You know what? I was her age when I discussed a plan of action with my vet that involved putting my Arab gelding down. He had a thyroid problem and even with constant monitoring and medication, we couldn't control it. He got laminitis every winter. Two winters badly enough to founder with some rotation (first winter I didn't catch it soon enough, second winter we didn't have him on enough meds and it got horrible almost overnight). After his third miserable winter, my vet and I decided we'd be really dilligent for the next year...but should he get laminitis again, it was time to let him go. He was barely pasture sound.

My heart broke when I saw him "off" that March. Called the vet immediately, groomed him up, took pictures, stuffed him with carrots, and let him go. But now he's pain free and that's all I wanted.

Good for you, Andi. At 14, ignorance is not an excuse.

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14? Not exactly a child. It is also a perfect age to learn the reality of responsibllity. It isn't always fun and games to own a horse. Sometimes we have to do something that sucks...like put a horse down.

Harsh...nah, that's life.

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No debate here.

The selfish little monster lies like a rug. I don't believe a WORD of her letter to you. She was trying to hook you into showing her sympathy. Spoiled Brat, IMHO.

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Sometimes being "harsh" is the only way people will get a wake up call. A couple of years ago, someone went on a local board trying to get people to give them money to buy a horse from an auction, and pay it's board cuz it was a real sweet horse, they couldn't afford to buy it, but the daughter fell in love w/it at auction. I told them quite bluntly that if they couldn't afford to buy it, or pay board, they couldn't afford the horse. That went over w/them about as well as your reply to the daughter. You did the right thing.

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Funny, I had a very similar conversation with a grown woman today. She foundered her 5 year old mare and wanted a place to dump her so she wouldn't have to deal with it. Not even a bad founder, but she was whining about having to fix up a drylot for the horse, and just "couldn't handle that"! Yeah, I went off!

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You did the right thing Sis. That whole "shame on you for making a middle school girl cry" is total Bullspit as far as i'm concerned. That's nothing but manipulation at it's finest.

At 14, ignorance is not an excuse.

Ditto. Ditto.

Life can be hard sometimes and pulling the 'pity-party' out; failing horse, nasty divorce, working 2 jobs to keep me involved w/ horses, I'm only 14yrs old, blah-blah-blah ...

Skip a few shows and Do The Right Thing by your old horse!

He *deserves* to go out with dignity before his tumors ravage him. Say 'goodbye' while he still feels good. I did that for my heart-horse. It hurt like ****, I'd had him for 18yrs, but I don't regret my decision in freeing him from his failing 29yr old body.

I absolutely DETEST people trying to pawn their older and failing horses onto someone else because they don't want the expense, heartache or responsibility to handle the horse's inevitable end.

It makes me want to tell those people: "Sure. I'll take your horse. Drop him/her off in addition to a minimum fee of whatever local euth/disposal costs are. Feel free to leave more money than the minimum. When the $ runs down to costs for euth/disposal ... then I'll make the necessary arrangements ... but YOU most certainly will be paying for it, not me."

Do The Right Thing. Don't make someone *else* do it.

Edited by Heidi n Q

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Sometimes being "harsh" is the only way people will get a wake up call. A couple of years ago, someone went on a local board trying to get people to give them money to buy a horse from an auction, and pay it's board cuz it was a real sweet horse, they couldn't afford to buy it, but the daughter fell in love w/it at auction. I told them quite bluntly that if they couldn't afford to buy it, or pay board, they couldn't afford the horse. That went over w/them about as well as your reply to the daughter. You did the right thing.

Oh, I remember that. Some fugly looking yearling or something.

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Oh, I remember that. Some fugly looking yearling or something.

Nope. It was an Arab, and it was b4 I was on here.

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OK, now I don't feel like a total jerk for telling this kid to own up to her responsibility -- thanks everyone!

We've been doing "rescues" for awhile now. Not as a 501©3 because I have problems asking for donations and other issues but we take in what we can, care for them, and re-home them when it's possible.

The first thing I thought of, or related to, was my old gelding Dreyfuss. I've had him several years now and he was 20-some when I got him. He was the horse that got me back in the saddle and got my confidence coming back in riding. Now, he's mostly blind, navicular and we suspect has some founder issues going on. We're maintaining him and he is in a pasture with 3 mares. He takes a little more care than the other air ferns we have here but just because I can't ride him or do anything with him and he costs more for upkeep than the others, I would *never* consider pawning him off on someone else to deal with in his old age and failing health. I just can't imagine!

Heidi? Pretty much what I told the kid too -- do NOT shun off your responsibility on this horse to someone else!

I did consider emailing her back and telling her I'll take her horse, along with about $1000 in cash to care for him, put him down and dispose of him. Probably wouldn't have gone over any better, huh?

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I did consider emailing her back and telling her I'll take her horse, along with about $1000 in cash to care for him, put him down and dispose of him. Probably wouldn't have gone over any better, huh?

Probably not. :happy0203: ...but I'm sure it would have made you feel good to say: "I'll do what you will not do for your horse. You just pay for it."

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Andi? You were a H3!! OF A lot NICER THAN i WOULD HAVE BEEN!

What a little spoiled rotten bia! She needs a slap in the face, & several youtube vids sent to her on "old horses that are forgotten"

This just ticks me RIGHT off.

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These are the things that got to me.....

.....isn't safe to ride... ever.

Yet she listed him on CL as fit for light riding.

I can't afford to keep a horse that I'm unable to ride.....

She dosen't mention anything about medical bills here, just that she basically has no use for a horse she can't ride. This tells me that any horse would be totally useless to her if it was unridable - no matter how much she "loves him".

I refuse to put him down at this time because he isn't in any pain, but I need... NEED... to have my horse taken off my hands.

Easily translates to "I don't want to pay for or deal with this problem, would much rather someone else foot the bill and I'm perfectly willing to beg, lie, claim that I love and want to do the right thing by this horse just to get rid of him".

You did the right thing Andi, she needed to be slapped upside the head with a big dose of reality. [Not Worthy]

Edited by rattusrat

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And really? A 14 year old writes with proper grammar, spelling, etc? I think maybe Mommy is writing and trying to pass herself off as a poor little kid.

I'm glad you didn't reply to her "how did you find out I have another horse". She probably would have gone after you for cyber stalking.

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You were nicer than I would have been, especially when i caught her in a couple of lies.

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I'm with Ratts and DH. I think maybe mom is also involved in the writing of these things/posting of ads. That may account for some of the inconsistencies as well.

Who knows. But if I had to guess, I'd guess that mom is the one who doesn't want to pay for the horse--be it because they simply can't afford the horses anymore PERIOD (due to the divorce situation) or that she just doesn't want to.

<shakes head>

I think you did the right thing in responding.

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Proper grammar and spelling at 14? Why is that so questionable? Used to be pretty commonplace. Still happens in some circles. It's called education.

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That letter screams 14yo kid to me. That's kid's logic being shown in the letter.

"I can't afford to keep a horse that I'm unable to ride, no matter how much I love him. It would be much to expensive! I refuse to put him down at this time because he isn't in any pain, but I need... NEED... to have my horse taken off my hands"

I think the Mom wants the horse gone but doesn't want to pay to put it down and probably has no place to bury it. The kid doesn't want to deal with that, so, the kid wrote this up to see if she can get the horse gone. The grammar isn't adult to me.

"I can't afford to keep a horse I am unable to ride, (because Mom says:) It would be much too expensive." An adult wouldn't repeat the fact they can't afford it (adult pride) but the kid would have to justify "why" they can't keep it.

I could be wrong but that's how I "read" this letter.

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Thanks all!

Oh, it's the kid writing the letter all right. Maybe at mom's coaching but it's the kid. And it really ticks me off that not only the kid is a spoiled brat that wants to dump her dying horse but also that mom isn't making her own up to her responsibility to the horse.

We all know H/J types are generally not cheap horses. Nor is showing H/J year round. So, no I just do NOT feel sorry for this kid! The horse, yes; the kid, no ...

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Rescues get so many calls like that. People don't understand that "rescue" doesn't exist to relieve them of the difficult parts of horse ownership. I hope this girl ends up doing the right thing for her horse!

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And really? A 14 year old writes with proper grammar, spelling, etc? I think maybe Mommy is writing and trying to pass herself off as a poor little kid.

I'm glad you didn't reply to her "how did you find out I have another horse". She probably would have gone after you for cyber stalking.

Thats what I was thinking. The letter was too well written to be a 14 year old. I have met a few people with horses that have melanoma or some cancerous looking skin lesion that never healed and just kept growing. They just ignore it. I am not that way I guess.

I would just tell her that she does not need a recuse, she needs to euthanize the horse.

Edited by sweetvelocity

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