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So I Let My Friends Use The Pasture, But I Dont Want To Anymore...

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Im a kind person, I tend to let ppl walk on me and I like to help ppl out. My neighbors and friends are nice ppl, always helping me too, a few months back they asked if they could use the pasture since my horse was away at a training stable. I said ya, they could use it a couple times a week for a few hours. We like to walk the pasture for recreation and we have family that often likes to picnic and play in the field so we didnt want it to be every day all day...well guess turned into everyday all day, as if they didnt hear me say occasionally! Possibly they forgot, but now its like their horses are here 15 hours of everyday from dawn til dusk...there are houses out back complaining about the bugs and smell (family houses) im just not sure if I still want to share...I dont want to lose friends or start a problem, but I want my land and pasture back. If it was the way I said and they werent on it all the time then id be fine with sharing but now its everyday all day. It down right sucks :/ ...any thoughts? I kinda let this go on too long im afriad but now I just dont know to fix it. HELP! its stressin me out :/

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Grab your panties, you're gonna have to face the music. But if you're gonna dance, then YOU pick what song!

Go talk to them. Be polite but firm and tell them they'll have to take/keep their horses home. If they ask why, you have several options for answering them:

1.) You want to return to casually using your property.

2.) You've received complaints.

3.) I want to watch the grass to grow.

4.) They've abused your kind and gracious offer because your original stipulation was "couple times a week for a few hours" and never meant to be all-day-every-day.

5.) I said so, that's why.

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It's your property, you don't have to make up excuses, tell them the reason/s, they'll either accept it and continue on with their lives, or, they'll get miffed and quit speaking to you, either way, it's not your problem....or fault.

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Our neighbor let us pasture off a couple acres of his land and I appreciate that he let us have that access. We don't turn our horses out there when it's too wet or too dry (current situation). I also don't put them out when it's too hot for the horse's benefit. Neighbor asked me why I don't turn them out more often and I let him know I didn't want to ruin what grass was out there or cause big ruts in the ground by taking advantage of it too frequently or when it could easily be tore up. I can't imagine turning our horses out there daily and still having anything left for them to eat.

Any of the options Heidi gave are great, but ultimately it is your land and you just have to tell them the free lease is over, end of story. That would be another option that may make it so they decide to not use it on their own? Tell them you are going to have to start charging a daily/monthly use fee to be able to reseed, fertilize, because they are using it more than was originally agreed.

Edited by eeyore4176

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I wonder if they are having problems affording hay? Could be the reason why they've taken advantage of you now. Just kindly inform them they need to have their horses out of the pasture by such and such day as you'd like your land back if they dont then present them with a bill for boarding.

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another reason liability, if one your other neighbors were givern permission by horse owner to go pet horses, walk in, if they kicked or bitten, theycan sue you being they got injured on your property..

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I'm a nice person too and I hate hate hate to argue!

So pushy people knew if they kept arguing, that I would eventually give up or walk away and they could do what they wanted in the first place.

Then I read about a secret weapon and I don't have to argue.

I get to stay calm and relaxed.

I can finish the argument when I want and still win.

Just tell them "Thanks for keeping the grass down in the pasture, but we need you to move the horses. Our neighbors are complaining about the swarm of flies and smells."

When they try to change your mind with various arguments.

Keep saying...

"I know, but I promised my neighbors that you were going to move the horses off my land in two days."

over and over and over and over and over again.

It's called the "Broken Record Technique".

You keep repeating the same phrase in a pleasant tone of voice for as long as they keep coming up with excuses or you get tired of talking to them.

Then you say "I'm glad we had this talk and my neighbors will be glad that your moving your horses in two days. Nice talking with you! Goodbye!"

Then hang up the phone.

You get them to do what you want.

You affirm that your listening to them ("I know") so they can't use that against you with "Your not listen to me!"

You don't give them lots of words that they can twist and use against you.

You stonewall their arguments.

Then you stop the conversation on your terms and tell them you expect them to do what you want in the determined time limit.

All you have to do is pick a phrase to repeat and keep doing it.

Pushy people will keep arguing and switching tactics hoping to wear their opponent (you) down to the point that you will get confused or give up.

Having your phrase and using it will keep you focused!

Then wrap up the conversation by telling them that you expect them to do ____ within ___ days and end the call.

Before they can object again!

It keeps you in power and them with out any ammunition to gun you down!

Game, set, match for you!

Edited by dondie

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Dondie, do you think that will work on my hubby? I could really use a won argument under my belt! :winking:

It works really, really well with men.

And teens.

Their goals are to....

Get you mad (they win)

Get you confused (they win)

Get you to leave before the situation gets resolved (they win)

Give up (they win)

Have you give them enough words (ammunition) to twist and use to shoot you down (they win)

Make you feel guilty (they win)

Two simple words..."I know"

Validates that your listening to what their saying.

Repeating the same phrase in a calm voice keeps you cool and in control.

Then acting like they have agreed with you and everything is fine and walking away (or hanging up)ends the argument on your terms.

And you won.........

I dated a man who loved to get his own way (spoiled by his mamma) and LOVED to argue about everything and anything.

He lost it one time and yelled "Why do you keep saying the same thing!!!"

My reply "I know, but I want to eat at a Japanese restaurant tonight."

He shook his head in confusion and we ate Japanese food that night.

I ended up dumping him (in a nice way) because I found him to be too self centered and I don't like high maintenance people.

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