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QueenBAW

People Suck. Stalkers Suck.

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Loooong story short, an abusive relationship I was in YEARS ago turned into a stalking situation. It was pretty crazy and full of drama and court appearances. I got a concelaed carry permit, bought a handgun and target practiced every weekend with a retired marine. He was a great coach and prepared me for many different scenarios. The stalking stopped, and eventually I stopped looking over my shoulder all the time. Ive lived in peace for the past 7 or so years. Last Friday he sends me a message on Facebook. "Nice pic". To someone who doesnt know him or his past or our past, I can imagine it seems pretty insignificant. To me it says "I took the time to specifically look YOU up on Facebook, look through your pictures..and I know what you look like, and I like it". Please know that prior to this I had blocked him on Facebook years ago...hes apparently made a new/duplicate account.

So now Im back to looking over my shoulder. Wondering what else he knows about me...does he know where I live? That I live alone? That I feed my horse late at night in the dark? Does he know where I work? Is he waiting somewhere to follow me home? Im having trouble sleeping...Ill sleep for a couple hours then wake up expecting him to be standing overtop of me, or waiting down the hallway for me. I dont consider myself a weak person, physically or mentally, but this is getting to me...and I hate it. Im renewing my concealed carry permit today. And after much thought and a conversation with a police officer I will be filing a report about the contact made on Facebook just as a precaution/paper trail if this escalates. And speaking of escalating...now that Ive blocked his second account on Facebook is he going to try to contact me some other way?

My brain is going round and round and I just needed to vent I guess, get it off my chest. People suck, stalkers suck.

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Do you suppose, he's just doing it because he knows it scares the bajeezes out of you? I picture him, sitting back, laughing.

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Hes def. mentally ill. I am one of several women he has abused and/or stalked. Someone told me a few years ago that he was charged with rape as well.

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Do you suppose, he's just doing it because he knows it scares the bajeezes out of you? I picture him, sitting back, laughing.

Yes.

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As much as Id like to think that hes doing it just for poops and giggles....I just dont think so. Based on the past..I think he intends on making contact, like he has in the past. I dont think he knows it scares me, and in the past it didnt, it just pissed me off and I'd take him to court. Im kind of at a loss as to why THIS time Im so shaken.

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Can you get an order of protection?

Eta.....of course, it's just a piece of paper, it may not be enough to keep him away, if that's his plan.

Edited by equicrzy

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Can you get an order of protection?

Eta.....of course, it's just a piece of paper, it may not be enough to keep him away, if that's his plan.

In the past yes I had a protective order. It was valid for a year. That was years ago. Im assuming Id have to build a case again against him to have another one granted. I'll ask the police officer this evening when I file my report. But yes, they are just a piece of paper and he has no qualms about violating it, hes done it before with another woman.

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Can you get someone to tag a long with you for a little while?

I'd be worried too, but that's because I also do everything alone 90% of the time.

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Can you get someone to tag a long with you for a little while?

I'd be worried too, but that's because I also do everything alone 90% of the time.

I moved last July. I literally know (including my landlord) 5 people where I live now. I work an hour and a half away from home, and I feed my horse when I get home, hence why Im out in the dark. I do have 2 dogs, however he's not afraid of dogs.

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get off facebook. right. now. and all other social media. if you make your personal information out there in cyberspace it should be no surprise to you that he could access it in a heart beat.

tell the cops he is stalking you again now, so you have precedents.

other than that, tell him that you have made his bad, bad behavior public on HC. he should look at the thread and be very afraid.

by the way, post a very current picture on the internet so everybody knows what an abuser looks like.

Edited by nick

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nick, my Facebook page does not have any personal info such as where I live or work. As I said before, I blocked him on Facebook as soon as I knew he had an account, and now he's made a new one. Ive blocked that one as well. Someone told me that I could email Facebook, let them know the situation, and they could make it so that any account he creates with his name would automatically not be able to see my page.

I do use Facebook quite a lot to communicate with friends and family. As strange/weird as it sounds, my parents will only call to check on me if they haven't seen me post something on Facebook within a week. Yeah, we don't have the greatest/closest relationship. :-(

As far as stalking him back goes, I don't even know how to do that without giving him the message that I "want" him or want to have contact with him. I'm afraid I'll get myself physically hurt or that it will backfire on me.

I do LOVE the idea of posting his picture on the internet for all to see, but I have no pictures of him AND I'm also afraid that will bring me unwanted attention.

I'm at the police station now about to sit down and talk with an officer. Believe me, I have lots of questions/concerns.

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Also wanted to add that whenever I post something on Facebook I have my location turned off. I really don't want anyone to know where (or whereabout) I live anyway.

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Just got home, haven't fed my horse yet though. Filed a report with the police for what it's worth. At least it's a paper trail..I guess. Cops advice was to not respond to him, don't let it consume me, but be aware/alert. If he contacts me again then I can file another report and he'll be told to not have any contact with me. Cop thinks that he probably won't contact me again at this point, he thinks that stalker was just throwing feelers out to see if he'd get a response. I could *try* to get a protective order but that would be up to the magistrate, and at this point stalker hasn't done anything wrong, so I probably wouldn't be able to get one. Stalker isn't stupid, he knows hes threatening me just by making contact, but like I said, to someone else his message seems insignificant. He knows better than to make direct threats that would stand up in court or that I'd be able to use to get a protective order. We've been there, we've done this and have several t-shirts.

Sorry gals, the cop didn't recommend stalking him back! Lol.

I guess I'm just going to have to watch my back and live like I did years ago. It sucks to have to live that way because of one jacked up person. Hopefully the cop is right and he won't make any other contact.

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Personally, I think he just enjoys yanking your chain and, gets pleasure from picturing you going nuts over it.

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Then why wait all these years? Why not start again as soon as the protective order ran out years ago? Trust me, I did all I could to have him locked away years ago...why go through that again?

He doesn't even know that I got/saw his message, so how can he be sure that he's even bothered me?

Edited by QueenBAW

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Maybe he just saw you on FB and, decided to have some fun. Could be, whether or not you saw his comment, he assumes you did and, he's having a little fun with it.

I think he's playing with you, stopping just short of anything criminal.

Edited by equicrzy

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I don't think it does much good to try to analyze his mind or guess his intentions. Are your dogs protective? If not, maybe one should be trained in that direction. And then if he shows up, turn the dog on him, no matter what his intentions are. Meanwhile, I'd tell the landlord and anyone else that you know near your home to watch for him and watch out for you. And people where you work, too. You shouldn't feel like you're alone in this.

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Then why wait all these years? Why not start again as soon as the protective order ran out years ago? Trust me, I did all I could to have him locked away years ago...why go through that again?

He doesn't even know that I got/saw his message, so how can he be sure that he's even bothered me?

Because, if he is any good at stalking, he is very likely reading what you post here.......................

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Maybe he just saw you on FB and, decided to have some fun. Could be, whether or not you saw his comment, he assumes you did and, he's having a little fun with it.

I think he's playing with you, stopping just short of anything criminal.

Maybe....it's just easy for me to think the worst given our history.

Edited by QueenBAW

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I don't think it does much good to try to analyze his mind or guess his intentions. Are your dogs protective? If not, maybe one should be trained in that direction. And then if he shows up, turn the dog on him, no matter what his intentions are. Meanwhile, I'd tell the landlord and anyone else that you know near your home to watch for him and watch out for you. And people where you work, too. You shouldn't feel like you're alone in this.

One of my dogs is protective and will protect me to the bitter end if need be. Hes not afraid of dogs though, or being attacked. But, the dog attacking would give me the seconds I'd need to grab my gun.

My coworkers are aware. I don't really want to involve my landlord too much. If something else happens/contact is made then I'll go ahead and let the landlord know.

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if someone is stalking you, if I were in your position I would let everyone in my daily life know who he is, what he has done so far, what he looks like and what you think he might do. if you do that you might be surprised to find how many people rally around you and watch your back. nobody, nobody likes a bully. and this is totally bully behavior.

the police say they can't do anything since he hasn't "done" anything. "stalking" if I am not mistaken is somewhere in the penal code since people get restraining orders all the time.

let people help you.

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